Never say never

Years ago, an ex-boyfriend and I were talking about trips we’d like to take. He mentioned that he’d like to go to India. My reply to his revelation was something along the lines of “if India is the last place on earth, I don’t think I would want to go”. It just never occurred to me as a place to take a vacation or visit. To me, I’d rather be surrounded by beautiful beaches or amazing waterfalls.

After breaking up with him, I changed jobs and my new job came with the opportunity to travel. Imagine my surprise when my first trip was to India! (Life never ceases to be ironic) Though it had never been a draw for me to go before, I jump at the opportunity to go anywhere and go with an open mind.

I landed in Bombay (or Mumbai as it’s now officially called though all the locals still refer to it as Bombay) at 3am on October 27, 2005. After travelling nearly 24 hours, I walked out of the airport and nearly all of my senses were attacked at once! My glasses fogged up, the air smelled like a landfill and I was being yelled at and accosted by people from every which way offering me hotels, taxis and to take my bags. It was like a foreshadowing of things to come of my time spent in India.

It was my first business trip and only my 2nd time travelling alone (the first being to Bolivia in 2000) I don’t get intimidated easily, so I wasn’t all that afraid. When I walked out of the airport (If you don’t have a plane ticket, you’re not allowed to go into the airport, this is checked by security guards at the entrance verifying you have a ticket) I was to meet someone who I met once for about 2 minutes. There was no sight of him. After 10 minutes of manoeuvring the crowd and avoiding everyone accosted me, I went to the rep of the hotel I was staying in. They checked my reservation and it was made for the next night. I had no room. Luckily, they were able to find me a room and accommodate me.

A few hours later, I woke up in my room at the Hyatt. The room was amazing. Beautiful marble floors, modern décor and a comfy bed with enough pillows for a small village. The cost of hotel rooms in Bombay is astounding. The cost of that room was over US$300. The cost of rooms in Bombay was second only to Paris and London. And, because nothing works fast in India, the demand of hotel rooms far exceeded the supply, hence the prices.

The first thing I did after waking up was open the bedroom curtains to see what view I had. I think I figured out why all international flights landed and took off in the wee (dark) hours of the morning. Before me, was the largest slum in the world. As far as the eye can see, all you could see were huts made of cardboard with kids playing with chickens in the dry mud barefoot. I was shocked.

I knew that there was a large amount of poverty in India and because I had been to Bolivia before, thought I was prepared for it. As many places as I’ve been to since, nothing can prepare you for the poverty in India, specifically Bombay.

The city is about 600 sq km, or about the size of San Francisco. It’s the 2nd most populated city in the world. Officially, the population is somewhere around 14 million (but likely closer to double that) Getting from the airport to downtown (about 20km) can easily take 2 hours (even 3 in rush hour)

A condo in Juhu beach (an upscale trendy area with lots of Bollywood types) can easily run in the US$500K. Cover at the disco at the Marriott is US$25. Yet, there is by far more poverty here than any other place I’ve been to. In Bombay, I’ve seen a woman bathe her child in an open sewer, seen lepers on the street begging for money and a 4 year old girl weaving in and out of traffic selling bootlegged English books.

I have never felt such guilt in all my travels than the time I’ve spent in Bombay. While I have a nice comfortable life, there are millions (just in that city) with no access to running water, entire families sleeping in a cardboard shack on the side of the road and kids who will never be able to go to school. The only thing separating me between that lady bathing her kid in the sewer is fate. And, in the 5 times I’ve been to Bombay, I’ve never been more thankful of my life.

10 Dream Trips

While I was driving to work today in an anti-histamine induced haze, I got to thinking about all the places I’d rather be. Well, at least anywhere with non-pollenating trees that have been making my life hell lately! I’ve been lucky enough to travel a ton over the past 10 years. Even luckier is that I get to travel for work. Maybe it’s because I’ve traveled so much that to me, staying in a generic hotel room is a soulless and boring as it gets. So everytime I go away for pleasure, I try to find the most unique (and cheap) accommodations I can.



Because of this strategy, I’ve stayed at some pretty cool places!  
An eco lodge on a white sand beach in Mexico,
the most luxurious lodge you could imagine that you get to by rafting in/out, 
a couple of very jumpy nights in an actual treehouse,
a posada in Argentina on an olive plantation,
a restored lodge in an old fishing village in India 
and an amazing place in Thailand with my own semi-private pool


However, anyone that knows me, knows I’m constantly researching new places for new adventures. Who knows if I’ll ever get to them all, but here are some amazing dream trips:

 Haad Tien resort- Koh Tao Thailand

This place has it’s own 350m amazing white sand beach, it’s on a nature preserve and has some amazing simple but luxurious bungalows. It’s totally private yet close enough to the local town. Koh Tao is one of the smaller islands in the Phang Nga Bay and supposed to not be as touristy as Koh Samui or the gong show that is Phuket (well, not all of Phuket is a gong show, only Patong) Koh Tao is known for world renown diving and has some hiking and rock climbing too. For me, this would be more of a mellow place to snorkel, get massages (Thai Massages are awesome!), go for bikes/hikes and hopefully go there with someone you’re romantic with. If you’ve never been to Thailand, be sure to do a cooking class or two. So easy and you’ll cook better than your local Thai place in a day or two!

Amazon Tupana Jungle Lodge- near Manaus Brazil

Next February, my mom is turning 60. I told her to pick somewhere on the map (within reason) and I’d make her dream trip happen. She shocked me when she said her dream trip would be to the Amazon in Brazil. In researching places, I came upon this place. To get here, you have to get to Manaus which is the nearest large town to the Amazon. They pick you up and take you to the lodge in motorized canoes (ie no paddling required) You can do accommodations alone, or they have 2-4 night packages that include hikes, fishing trips, river tours (where you can see pink dolphins, caimans, monkeys etc…) The 4 night package has a “jungle survival” package where you build a tent out of materials found in the jungle. Not quite sure mom’s ready for that yet though!
  Hotel Mawimbi,Holbox, Mexico

After 3 times in Mexico (Playa Del Carmen, Tulum and Cozumel) I don’t really feel the need to see more of Mexico (especially the likes of Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan etc…) but this place seems incredible! To get there, you fly into Cancun (which is usually cheap) take a bus to Chiquila and take a ferry to Holbox (pronounced Whole-bosh) On Holbox, there are no atms or cars. There are however cabs. But the cabs are golf carts! Holbox is still relatively untouristy and will likely never have massive resorts since it’s tiny. The main draw here is the beach and a relaxed vacation. Again, an ideal place for scuba divers because at certain times of year, nurse sharks are in the waters. I picture myself here in a hammock on the beach lounging in the shade with a great book and margarita in hand. If you don’t scuba dive, it’s probably not the most active vacation, though as a non-scuba diver myself, I’m sure I’d find ways to keep busy by snorkeling, kayaking or hiring a sailboat.

  Four Seasons Tented Camp, Golden Triangle area, Thailand

Truly a once in a lifetime experience, this place looks beyond incredible. This place involves luxiourous accommodations in the middle of nowhere, gourmet meals, massages and elephant trekking. It doesn’t get more unique than this. Located in Northern Thailand’s Golden Triangle area (where Thailand, Laos and Burma meet), you’re in the middle of the jungle (which, from my time in Costa Rica is really noisy!) The accommodations are super luxurious tents with jungle views and a huge outdoor deck. Though it’s all inclusive, it’s not in the “wear a bracelet and eat a buffet way”.  Your meals, drinks, elephant trekking and massages are included. Of course, this comes at a price! For a 2 night all inclusive stay it’ll set you back about $2000 (Canadian) so you might have to take out a loan!

Le Taha’a island resort, Taha’a island Poynesia Le Taha'a


One of my ultimate must do before I die trips is to stay in an overwater Bungalow in the South Pacific.  I picked Tahaa’a island as my dream desitnation because it produces 25 tons of vanilla a year. Anyone that knows me knows a) I love to bake and b) base a lot of my trips on food. Oh, and I love orchids too. And vanilla is an orchid! Taha’a island is pretty remote and pretty rugged. Yet the acccomodations are totally luxurious. Probably not a place to visit on your own because it looks too damn romantic! You wouldn’t even need to leave your room. Ever! You have the beautiful green ocean right off your room. Heaven!

Sayari Camp Serengeti, Tanzania

Another once in a lifetime trip would be a trip to the Serengeti. I picked Sayari as a dream place because it claims to be off the tourist track but there is still some off road driving allowed in spots. Imagine being in the absolute middle of nowhere and seeing hippos, lions, leopard and elephants? And amazing Serengeti sunsets? I picked this place too because it has the perfect mix of luxury in natural surroundings. Looks incredible! One day….

 Eden Lodge 

Madagascar would be an amazing place to visit. There are entire species of animals which only exist in Madagascar. The Eden lodge is powered on solar energy (therefore lessens the guilt a bit from the carbon emissions of getting there) Again, the draw of this place is the isolation of it, but still somewhat luxurious accommodations. All of the bungalows are beachfront and since it’s solar powered, there is no air conditioning. The only cooling is the ocean breeze. This seems like an amazing place to go after hiking through all of the rain forests in Madagascar!

Chica Brava Surf Camp, San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua

Since I took a surf in Oregon a few years ago, I’m hooked on surfing. Then I took private classes in Costa Rica and I got hooked on WARM water surfing. Now, it just seems like pure torture to me to surf cold water. The last time I surfed, it was my first time getting up on a hard board (a feat of which I’m quite proud!) So, I’m sure that another intense camp would improve me that much more! Chica Brava is a surf camp in Southern Nicaragua about 30 minutes north of the Costa Rican border. The waters are warm and the surf is consistent. What’s better is that this is a place a girl can go on her own since it’s an all girl surf camp. The accommodations are hardly luxurious, but it would be an amazing experience to build up surf skills!



 The Spa Koh Chang Resort, Koh Chang, Thailand

Koh Chang is the 2nd largest island in Thailand and 85% of the island is protected rainforest. It’s only opened up to tourism since 2000 and as yet, 2/3 of the tourists are Thai. This means that the presence of tuk tuk’s, tailors and lady-boys is probably less (in Patong, I once heard a lady-boy solicit himself by saying “you wanna get F&)(*(@ by lady-boy- words NO ONE should have to hear!) I picked the Spa because I’d love to do a vacation that focuses on relaxation. I usually have a ridiculously hard time relaxing on vacation and want to experience everything, whether it’s paragliding off a mountain, or waterfall rapelling. Staying somewhere like this resort, would force me to relax. It wouldn’t be that hard since they fill your time with yoga and massage. They also offer health/detox and fasting plans but I have way too little self disclipline to attempt that on a vacation. This could very luckly be part of my next Thailand trip.

 Private Mountain Casitas, Boracay, Philippines


Since Hong Kong seems to be my second home as of late (in 2009, I went there 3 times for work) One time, I’d like to tack on a visit to the Philippines since airfare from Hong Kong to Philippines is inexpensive. This seems like the perfect place to destress. Borcay is arguably, one of the 10 best beaches in the world. Boracay is a great place for any beach activities like diving, sailing and a great place to try kiteboarding or skimboarding. I picked private mountain, because, well it’s private! And once you brave the uphill walk to get there, you’re blessed with incredible views of the beach.



I’d love to think that I’ll get to all of these places in this lifetime. To me, traveling is always a catalyst for great memories and great stories! There’s nothing quite like the adrenaline rush of running off the side of a mountain (Mendoza, Argentina) getting robbed on Christmas Day (Samana, Dominican) or being questioned for 3 hours by Israeli security (Frankfurt, Germany) Well, there’s my list, time to start knocking off a few of the items!

Adventures on El Al

Recently, there seems to always be something on the news about how the Ben Gurion airport in Tel Aviv is the safest airport in the world.  The security people in charge, make no bones that they racial profile and ask you a slew of questions.  I can testify to that!

Flashback to May 2007.  I had a work trip that took me to India for a week, then I had to continue onto Israel for a week.  I flew from Delhi to Frankfurt and had a 15 hour middle of the day layover.  As much as I've travelled and as excited I get about airports, 15 hours is too much for anyone!  Luckily, I knew my way around Frankfurt, so I thought I'd take the train into the city and wander around.  After a train ride into the city only to realize that the entire city was shutdown for a national holiday, I trained it right back to the airport.  After looking at every single item in the duty free shop, I wandered back to the lounge and killed about 12 hours. 

3 hours before my El Al flight was due to leave, I thought I'd at least change scenery and wander down to the gate.  El Al is supposedly the safest airline in the world.  They were the first to institute locked cockpit doors and are known to have armed air marshalls on each of their flights.  Though I was already through one security check, I had to go through another one just to get into the gate area of El Al.  Once I got to the El Al counter, I got my boarding pass, and had to go through yet another x-ray for my hand luggage.  Once I thought I was finally done all of the x-rays, I was greeted by another plain clothes agent who greeted me in Hebrew.  The extend of my Hebrew starts and stops with "Shalom" so it's safe to say we didn't exactly have a lengthy conversation.  From there, he asked me a bunch of pretty normal questions (in English) "Where are you going?" "Who are you travelling with" etc...   Then he welcomed me into a gated little seated area.  I knew he wasn't going to ask me how my trip was and how I was doing, so I got nervous.  I tend to get nervous in any situation with authority.  The one time I was pulled over for speeding, I'm pretty sure the reason I got off without a warning was because I was shaking when I gave the police officer my license!

From there, the questioning grew intense.  Who was I visiting (a factory) ? Did I have a boyfriend (yes)? Was I married (no!) ? What race was my boyfriend (White)? Why am I alone (because?)?  Why don't I have a business card of the people I'm meeting (hadn't met them yet) and on and one.  He wanted to check emails, names of my boss, names of factories in India, you name it. From there, we went into the curtained area where a very intimidating fellow was to go through all of my luggage for explosives.  When I say everything, I mean everything!  from the crumbs at the bottom of my purse, to the pages in my book, it all went through the explosives machine.  My heart was pounding.  During my 15 hour layover, I managed to come down with a brutal cold.  During my interrogation, I wasn't allowed to go to the washroom and had to be in the company of the security guys the whole time.  Though I had nothing to hide, I was so nervous, I started fumbling!  I think I even made light of this by saying "geez, this is so nerve wracking, I had no idea" to which my security companion said "well, if you had nothing to hide, you wouldn't be nervous".  

2 hours into this ordeal, a lady walks into the room and says to me "strip search" and points to a curtained off area.  I don't know if it was nerves, the cold, no sleep or what, but I just started crying.  No control.  Just tears coming out.  I thought I was in for full strip search.  I loved my job and I loved that I got to travel, but this? This was beyond any job description!  Luckily, my new friend just wanted a heavy pat down, rather than strip search.  Tears stopped.  I felt better again.  By now, my hand luggage failed to show any explosives.  The end was almost near.  Half an hour before take off, I was cleared to go on the plane.

I should mention that the whole time I was being questioned, it was totally visible to all of the other passengers.  I should also mention, I was the only passenger selected for this in depth screening.  I get on the plane, sit in my comfy business class seat and everyone gets on the plane and starts glaring at me.  Right before they shut the door, my security friend comes up to me and says "Ms. Correia, did you have beer in your suitcase" I confirmed I did (I was buying some to bring home) and thought that they'd just take it away.  He said to me "It's no problem, we've just packed it in a seperate box so it doesn't explode in your suitcase, when you get to Tel Aviv, look for a small box with your name on it"

The irony of this is priceless.  I guess they're so concerned about ANY explosives, they didn't even want the beer to explode.  And, you can imagine, when I got to Tel Aviv to pick up said box, the looks I got from the other passengers.  Here's the girl that was detained the whole time, what's in her box? surely they wandered. 

Once I got into Israel, it was a beautiful and safe country.  It's no wonder it's safe if it takes that much to get into the country!

rrrrraaaaww....

You gotta love targeted ads.  Even though, on facebook, I have my year of birth and marital status hidden, they somehow still manage to target ads.  One of the latest ads I keep seeing is an ad for what must be a dating site.  The ad, which keeps showing up in my facebook profile says "new dating site for classy cougars like you".  Well, I guess I should be honoured that at least they call me classy.

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that a website for "cougars" exists, or the fact I'm considered a cougar! *sigh*

Vanishing Act

It looks like not much has changed in the 5 years since my last tour on the dating scene.  And though I can't say there's comfort in that, there is a certain element of comedy (though maybe comedy in the way Shakespeare meant it as opposed to Mr. Bean)

The story always seems to go like this: boy meets girl, boy likes girl and calls her constantly.  Girl is unsure and overwhelmed but proceeding with caution.  This game continues for a few weeks, months etc... and as soon as girl slightly relents and shows interest back, boy vanishes. 

The part that's comical about this is that it's happened to me more than once.  I used to think it was all about me.  Was I not pretty enough? Was it something I said? Didn't say? Should I have shown more interest? Less?  Now, I just laugh.  I know enough that it's happened to pretty much every person who has ever been single.  Likely more than once.  What annoys the hell out of me though, is that the other person doesn't think that a quick little "geez, you know, I've changed my mind, not interested anymore" or something similar would go a long way in the respect and admiration category as opposed to the slinky douche category.

p.s. though the pic above has nothing to do with the post, it's the best stain remover ever!

Awkward. Dating with a dog.

I love my dog.  I've had her since she was 8 weeks old.  She's a Jack Russell/Schnauzer.  When I got her, I knew that because of her breed, she'd be a handful to raise.  Well, a handful is an understatement.  In the past 4 and a bit years since I've had her, I've experienced every up and down there is in a dog owner's world:  joy (the amazing tricks and intelligence she has), fear (eating a bottle of vitamin E pills, falling down a 50ft cliff) anger (you can't find a more stubborn breed) and comfort (there's no better feeling than coming home to her) and now: embarasment. 

You see, my dog has a very unnatural love of males.  Electricians, plummers, my brothers, friends, you name it.  This has now extended to males I date.  If I meet a guy, I make sure I tell him about my dog.  I mention her many neuroses, as well as all her quirks that make her fun.  However, nothing can quite prepare anyone for a night over. 

Four years ago when I got her, I tried to crate train her.  However, the incessant crying all night got to me after a few nights.  In a moment of weakness (and extreme tiredness) I relented and she jumped into bed.  I've been trying to get her out ever since!

I've tried every tactic known to man. Bribes, comfy dog beds, angora blankets, anything to make not my bed more comfortable than my bed.  Nothing's worked!  I even hired a dog psychologist to address this (and some of her other issues)  For the past few months, I've been reasonably sucessful.  Lucy is now the proud owner (and sleeper) of her very own dog bed! 

I've been super encouraged that this new turn of events will help any future relationships.  However, I recently had someone stay over and all my training went to hell!  The night before (and night after) she was the perfect angel.  Sleeping away in her bed.  I even had the bedroom door open.  The night this someone stayed over, she just sat beside him and stared at him (like he was a raw steak I might add)  I locked her out of the bedroom but she wouldn't stop crying at the door and using her paw to scratch at the door.  All. Night. I assured my someone that this wasn't normal (anymore) I don't think he bought it.  I can just hear him now talking to his friends "cool girl, crazy dog".  I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again...

Night over Manaus

Exactly a year from now, is my mom's 60th birthday.  She's always wanted to travel, but my step dad isn't a fan of getting on a plane (something about not sitting still or smoking for more than an hour!) So, since my mom does me the favour of watching my dog while I'm at work each day as well as when I go on business trips or try to find myself in other parts of the world, I'm taking her away for her big celebration!

I asked her where she was interested in going.  Because I have airmiles, I gave her a rough idea of physical limitations of where we could fly.  I figure for her first big trip away (asides Europe) she'd pick somewhere "safe" like Mexico or Hawaii.  She surprised me when she told me her dream trip was to go to the Amazon!

So, planning begins! Air Canada handily flies into Sao Paulo.  Since she wants to experience a bit of everything, I've done some research and have come up with a very vague itinerary. Sao Paulo, Praio de Forte (a beach town) Igazu falls (in Argentina), Rio, and Manaus, a city that's the gateway to the Amazon.  In order for her to get the full experience, I've looked up some eco lodges that boat you in/out from Manaus.  They range between 3-5 nights and one of the ones I looked up, you even spent one night in a hammock (that you build) sleeping in the jungle.  I'm not sure if my mom's gonna be up for quite that much adventure! I do remember her massive paranoia of any bugs and creatures!  I'll never forget the time in florida when she ran into a preying mantis in the shower.  I've never heard screams that loud!  I only hope that my obsessive planning will live up to her expectations!

Victim of marketing

When I'm browsing through the liquor store, looking for a new bottle of wine to try, I look at a number of factors: country, grape, price and looks.  Not necessarily in that order. I would much rather buy a bottle that I know is good, but if I'm going blindly, any of those single items can lead me to try it. 

Case in point.  I was looking to stock up the wine rack and pick out some I knew were good, and went blindly on some others.  I bought one bottle purely on looks.  The label was pretty and the name was cool.  The name? Bitch.  How can I not love a wine with a title like that? and with a pretty pink label and cap, I was sold.  Bitch is a South Australian Grenache with an alcohol content of 15.5%.  So I was expecting a big flavorful wine.  My disapointment started right when I poured it into a glass.  It was light in color and almost opaque.  I poured my girlfriend a glass and we tried our first sip.  eeew. weak, watery and unflavorful.  What a disapointment!  I should know better, the prettier the wine bottle, the worse the wine.  What a disapointing bitch!

Unleashing my inner drummer

When my marriage ended, early last year, I went on a subconcious quest to do as many cockamanie things as I could.  One of the first things I did, was take a trapeze swinging class.  That ended after only 1 session.  I had full intentions of doing it for fun, but when I discovered that my trapeze mates were 3 13 years olds who were 2 steps away from auditioning for Cirque de Soleil, I slinked away with my bleeding toe. 

Since then, I've had boudoir pictures taken, made out with a guy 10 years younger than me in a pool in Thailand (he was Spanish and cute, like I had any chance of resisting?), went on a  3 week trip to South America where I went paragliding and finished the trip with a tatoo 2 hours before my flight home. 

So, it makes perfect sense that I continue on this cockamamie adventure.  What started out as distractions to help me forget what happened, make me feel desirable and alive, seems to be continuing.  So, tomorrow, as an early birthday present to myself, I'm taking drum lessons.  I've secretly always wanted to be the cool chick in a rock band banging away on the drums.  I have no illusions that I'll be any good, let alone in a band.  But somehow, it's fitting that now that I'm comfortable in my own skin (after going thru such hell) that I at least slightly attempt to pursue this.  I just hope the instructor doesn't laugh me out of the studio!

In my mind, I'll be the hot (tatooed) edgy chick.  A la Sheila E.  More likely, I'll end up looking like Animal from the muppets!  I have confirmed with the instructor that it is a private lesson, so I know I won't be showed up by any 13 year old Melissa Auf Der Mer want to be's. Thank god.  It was all I could do to pick up my ego (& bleeding toe) out of the circus gym that day after trapeze class...

Two date kitty

I'm going on a 2nd date tomorrow.  We went on our first date two weeks ago and I didn't have a lot of expectations as we had to reschedule a few times.  On our first date, I was pleasantly surprised.  He was super cute, fun and nice.  And, he seemed into me.  Always a good start.  I seem to make a good first date.  Of the dates I've been on, even if I wasn't interested in them, a 2nd date could be expected.  However, I'm starting to notice a lack of interest past date 2.  I think the 2nd dates I've been interested have gone well, but they never seem to materialize into 3rd dates.  I'm trying not to take it personally because there are so many variables at play: where someone is in their life, work, better offers, or even maybe, just maybe, I got too comfortable on that 2nd date and my big mouth said something it shouldn't.  One day I'd love to get an honest guys opinions on this topic.  In the meantime, I trudge along in mystery.  God, this dating thing is confusing! But for now, onto date #2 with cute boy.  Wish me luck.

The sun never shines in China

I've been to China 5 times in the past 2 years.  In the 5 times I've been, I've never seen the sun shine.  I've been various times of year (April, August, February) And every time I go, it never ceases to amaze me that I never see the sun.  It's like the communist government ordered it that way.  Grey skies, to match the grey buildings to match the grey roads.  China is the very model of efficiency.  It's economy has grown a minimum of 8% for most of the past 10 years.  What amazes me about the country (of the industrial areas I've seen) is the efficiency.  It's the ultimate model of "there's a task at hand, get it done".  Everything is very efficient, yet without a hint of emotion.  Workers at the factories are androgenous and just doing what they do, with blank expressions on their faces.

The lack of emotion and color in industrial China fascinates me.  I've been to India an equal number of times (albeit for greater lengths of time) and whereas India is the opposite in it's colorfulness in the saris of the female workers, or the jasmine scent of the flower braids in their hair, China is grey. Very grey.  There's so much more to be said of all I've learned and seen in China, but the lack of color never ceases to amaze me... 

Ode to my Christian Louboutins (or why I need a shoe intervention)

I'm in Hong Kong for work (I still pinch myself at the fact I have a job that pays me to get on a plane a couple of times a year).  In the past year, I've been to Hong Kong for work 4 times.  By being here so often, I've come to know what's a tourist trap (temple street market, Nathan road), what's unique (Cheung Chau Island) and where the good places to shop are (Rise commercial center, granville road)

For the most part, Hong Kong is not unlike most large North American cities.  It is however, the definition of super consumerism.  You literally can't walk anywhere without bumping into a short or restaurant.  For the most part, I'm not drawn to shopping in Hong Kong.  For clothes, it's either high end designer or cheap knock off.  Or at least that's my excuse, because clothes shopping in HK exacerbates my already poor body image ("top that fit you???? No fit, you too fat" For the record- I'm a north american size 8, HARDLY plus size)  So while my size 2 collegue shops for clothes, I look down.  And down I've come to learn, is where it's at: SHOES!

Black ones, red ones, flat ones, stillettos, short boots, tall boots, HK has them all!  In my past few HK visit, I've come home with no less than 2 pair per trip (and that was exercising a lot of self control) However, packing for this trip made me realize my closet has run out of space for even one more.

It's rough being an urban multi faceted woman you know.  Because of my hobbies, I need way more footwear than the average girl (that's my excuse) For the sporty me, I have rock climbing shoes, cross country ski boots, downhill ski boots, winter hiking boots and 2 pair of summer hikers.  For the fashiony me, I have black stilettos, red stilettos and every imaginable color and heel shape possible.  For the practical me, I have flat shoes and boots to go with everything.

The last pair of HK shoes I returned with were the lovely Christian Louboutins beauties in the pic.  They called to me (I swear!) I saw them in the Mong Kok shop (the only pair) and it was lust at first sight! Like the glass slipper that the prince brought to Cinderella, they fit perfectly. They are the epitome of sexy. 5" of black patent, red soled sexy.  To me, perfection of design.  Way too perfect to sit in a box in a closet waiting to be commissioned into service once or twice a year.  So, in order to give them the admiration and worship they deserve, I've proudly displayed them on the shelf in my bedroom.  They're one of the first things I see in the morning, and one of the last before I go to sleep.  They have yet to see concrete, or step foot outside of the carpeted haven of my apartment.  For all of their beauty and sexiness, they lack comfort.  Because of their 5" height and my size 6.5 feet, I feel like I'm going to topple over in them (and I'm used to heels!) so, like a good sports car owner who lets their beauty sit in the driveway, the bookshelf in my bedroom might be my Louboutins fate. Oh, but they're so sexy!

Ladies, Man up!

In this 21st century, it seems that we aren't shy to draw on the knowledge of "experts".  Whether it's a life coach, relationship counsellor, career counsellor or spending $300 on a session with a dog Psychologist (like I did a few weeks ago, but that's another story) And why not, if you can pay someone to get you that extra distance in your career or get you past your commitment issues (or get your dog to stop being a jerk), I'm all for it.  Hell, I pay an eyebrow "expert" $20 every 3 weeks to meticulously maintain my eyebrows for a reason!

However, I'm torn on the idea of a dating expert.  That's right, for $650 (to start...) you can pay this guy to coach you through dating.  He doesn't exactly say what training he has to make him a dating expert, but does coach both men and women.  He promises that his approach is "unique, highly personalized, scientifically-based, hands-on, and the most effective way to take charge of your social life." 

I find it curious that the notion of a dating coach even exists.  You see, to me dating isn't exactly a science (although some of the people I've dated in the past have been about as boring as reading a science textbook...) Furthermore, I've found that the more effort you put into dating (unlike a career, education, training your dog), the less likely you are to succeed.

Mick gives insightful advice such as :

The point of first dates is:
 •To evoke a connection and positive emotions. You want to see how you feel around that guy. That’s it.


•For you to be asked out on another date. If you’re like most women who want a guy who that takes charge and leads, that’s the only way you’ll know if he’s that kind of guy.


•Allow the conversation to naturally unfold. Focus on him, let him do the talking. The more he talks, the more information you’ll have to determine if he fits your bill. And of course, you should contribute to the conversation. But again, focus on him.
 
Before even going on the first date, he suggests a pre-date "warm up".  Once there, he suggests things that you shoudn't take about and avoiding  “interview style questioning” as it can make the conversation one sided and imply that you are "superior" to your date. 
 
His theory, is that we are our own matchmaker and with some of his skills in place, we can take on the dating world and build a happy, healthy relationship.  I do agree that if you're happy with yourself, generally pleased with life and have some self confidence (I'm still learning that last one), you'll naturally attract people of a similar mindframe.
 
Would I even dream of spending $650 to build up some self confidence to talk to a guy on the street, go on a date with him and make sure I'm fully focusing on only him while asking insightful questions (without seeming like I'm interviewing him)????  Nah, I think I'd rather be myself, act natural and if things go wrong, laugh about it with my friends over wine.  Call me old fashioned...

Salentein reserve Malbec 2007 = delicious

Last month, I was in South America for a trip I called my divorcemoon (in short- since marriages are celebrated with a honeymoon, divorces should get a divorcemoon)  While in Mendoza, Argentina, I discovered a ton of wines and learned a lot about Malbec.  Last night I (with the help of friends) opened one of the bottles I brought back.

The winery is called Salentein and it's in the Uco Valley near Mendoza (in the shadows of the Andes)  The wine that I brought back was a 2007 reserve Malbec.  After drinking many types of Malbecs in Argentina, I've learned that I prefer an oaked Malbec.  The oak aging tends to make a smoother Malbec.  Using French versus Amercian oak is even smoother.  The longer the time the wine is in oak, the better the flavor.  The amount of time in oak varies from a few months to a maximum of about 18.  The Salentein reserve Malbec has been aged in French oak for 14 months.  This wine was so unbelievably smooth and delicious. I can't remember exactly how much it was at the winery, but it was definately less than CDN$15.  I know BC liquor stores doesn't carry it and I have yet to scour the private liquor stores to see if it's available.  But if you like a smooth, full bodied red and are able to find this, I fully recommend!

Plenty of fish, but are there any worth keeping?

So one of my first forrays into the dating world was to try this online dating thing.  Afterall, whenever people hear you're single, the first thing they seem to tell you is how "so and so" met their girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife blah blah blah on such and such dating website.  So I thought, why not? Plenty of fish is free so what have I got to lose?

There may be plenty of fish, but most of them you want to throw back.  In my very unscientific experiment, it goes like this:

80% of the guys won't get back to you
10% are just downright odd
10% are worth getting to know

* editors note- My figures have been rounded up for ease of convenience.

I wrote what I thought was a fairly accurate description of myself with accurate pictures.  In my profile, I indicate that I have a dog, a sense of humor (so I think), my interests, music I like (ie Franz Ferdinand) , my love of Foreign movies (I love you Almodovar) and my overall "down to earthness".  I thought between the pics and write up, it would convey the fact that I was a pretty good catch (sorry, couldn't resist!) Or, my friends and family have been lying to me for years!

With my newfound confidence, I started emailing some guys who I thought were cute and seemed interesting in html. Nada. What's worse? On this plenty of fish (or as regulars call it: p.o.f) you can see when someone's read and (horror!) deleted your message.  So after 10 or so "read" and "deleted" messages, my ego couldn't take it anymore so I took the passive approach: let them find me.

Well, to be fair, some guys did email me.  Here are some of the lowlights...

one guy emailed me with this message "my GF thinks ur hot?"
Awesome. well, at least someone thinks I'm hot! but your girlfriend? dude, wrong website!

One verbose fellow thought my Franz Ferdinand reference was relating to the 15th century emperor. (ummm..yeah, appreciate the history but no...) he also told me that layoffs in the public sector might mean a change in address for him (he was from the island) suggesting what? he could be my roommate? I'm sorry, but if the words "moreover" "estimation" and "Deweyian" appear in our first communication, we're probably not gonna get along.

and my personal favorite? the guy who wrote If you like to be serenaded by your favorite love balads and treated like a lady, I will keep you smiling.  I'm sure most girls would think it's awfully sweet and adorable, but really? When I picture myself dating, do I picture someguy sitting there belting out Luther Vandross tunes? ah. no! (but it would make me laugh..sadly, I don't think he was kidding)

There are plenty more, but those are the highlights.  It hasn't all been in vain though.  I had the BEST and wittiest exchange with one fellow.  The back and forth emails had me smiling.  We met to make sure the chemistry felt right. To me, it did. That led to witty text messaging and a 2nd date.  Will there be a third? I don't know, but I'm hoping so.  I'm afraid of that damn fish pond!

the 3 year hiatus...

Ok, so it may have been 3 years (almost to the day) that I posted something. I didn't forget about this blog, it's just that in 3 years, life got crazy. What have I been doing? Well, I got engaged, got married and got divorced. Yeah, it was a bit of a whirlwind. I'm pretty sure it was up there with one of the worlds shortest marriages (9 months). That all ended last year. I've been picking up the pieces and figuring myself for the past year and now I'm feeling human and back to my normal self (with a little more experience, edge and wit hopefully)

I got reinspired to write this block after going on a date last night. After all the drama, I'm finally feeling up to dating again. I've discovered that dating in your mid 30's is quite the adventure. The good thing of having been married, is that I'm certainly not in a rush to go down that road. As a result, I'm taking dating this time with a lot more humor and am a lot more relaxed about it. There have been some great dates (such as fellow last night) and some really boring ones (I'm pretty sure watching paint dry would be more interesting) so I thought, I'd make the focus of this blog entertaining stories about dating. It's sure to be amusing, stay tuned...

I'm turning old

Tomorrow, I'm turning old. 34 to be exact. That number scares the hell out of me. I'm not afraid of aging per se, I just thought I'd have so much DONE by now! Sure I've tried sky diving, been to the Eiffel Tower, danced in a cage and finally met the man of my dreams but there's so much more I haven't DONE yet and I feel like I'm running out of time.

By time, I don't mean that my biological clock is ticking (though my doctor reminds me whenever I see her and both mine and Rob's mother are itching to be grandparents) but I just feel there is still so much adventure to be had. Like bobsledding. You don't see a lot of old women going around bobsledding but it's something I've been dying to do.

I still haven't grasped the concept of aging yet, I still feel like I'm 21. Of course, the body's not as firm, I'm a little smarter and have a few gray hairs but overall I'm not ready for this. I feel like I'm just getting my act together and now the numbers are creeping up on me! It hardly seems fair. Now, where can I sign up for bobsledding before I retire?

Wuzzam?!?!?

My boyfriend is dancing around our appartment right now doing a little dance. No, he doesn't normally dance around the appartment (thank GOD! because he truly is not blessed rhythmically...) but he is dancing around because his word won the National Coin a phrase contest.

So what's his word? it's wuzzam. You see, back when he was "Hot Rob", Sarah Marchildon (blogger extraordinaire) was mocking him and held a coin a word contest of her own. Rob's contribution was:

"Wuzzam: I was, still am and will continue to be what you heard about me. This is in direct response to the old 'has been' question: when people ask about your past. 'I heard you were a model.' The proper response is, 'Yes I was, and I still am (wuzzam).' There is only one exception to this word --ex-high-school football stars."

Somehow, the word got submitted for the National Post's contest and now it's won!

So cheers honey, to extending the 15 minutes of fame, to 30 minutes... ;)

Christmas in Samana

This Christmas, the man and I decided to forgo a family Christmas and escaped to the sun. Destination: Samana, Dominican Republic. Samana is a relatively new area to tourism (considering the airport just opened weeks before we got there) It was the first trip away with the man and I was a bit nervous we were going to kill each other. Thankfully, we didn't. We did however, have some thrilling experiences such as extreme horseback riding, an extreme fishing boat trip and extreme taxicab riding (yes, it's possible)

First of all: extreme horseback riding. We did a guided horseback trip to the El Limon Waterfall. Basically, the horse took us up the side of the mountain then down to a lovely waterfall. The extreme part was the fact that this was done in six inches of mud over rocks. Yes, I never thought I could be terrified on a horse, I was wrong...

After surviving the horseback riding, we decided we were ready for another adventure. Whenever I've gone on vacation in the past, I've had success in arranging my own excursions. Overpaid hotel excursions be gone, it is possible to do it cheaper... well, I've learned an important lesson in the hotel excursions; they're usually SAFE! We arranged our own private yacht on Christmas day(ok, it was a 16ft fiberglass boat) to the lovely Los Haitses national park. Looking at the rough chop in front of our hotel, we thought it'd be too rough for such an adventure. Nevertheless, our guide assured us that it would be "calm as a lake". I don't know what lake he's been on, but no lake I've ever been on has 10ft chops!!! It was nuts. We went with this great couple and we all looked at each other like we were going to die. Just when we thought it was all over, we looked at each other and burst into hysterical laughter. Oh, and to make the start of our Christmas day a little more memorable, my man got robbed on the back of a motorcyle! Needless to say, we got back to the hotel Christmas night and started drinking straight rum!

Our last adventure, we took a tourist taxi to the breathtaking Playa Rincon (that's where the picture was taken). Playa Rincon was voted one of the best beaches in the world. What was so incredible about it, was it's remoteness. Only certain taxis will take you there (as the road nearest the beach is incredibly rough, hence the extremeness of the activity) But once you're there, it's heaven! The best thing about the beach (besides the incredibly warm turquoise ocean and white, soft and deep sand) is the fact that the only thing on the beach are three beach huts that will cook you fresh grilled seafood at a reasonable price (they serve you pina coladas in coconuts too, always a plus)

If this is what going away at Christmas is like, I'm addicted!

Things I've learned in India

I'm in India for work for two and a half weeks. Some would say this sounds glamourous but let me assure you, it's not. I'm criss crossing most of the south going to such places as Chennai (or Madras as some call it), Madurai, Bombay (or Mumbai, or better, what I call the armpit of the world), Indore and Tirupur. India, I'm sure has it's charm (once I find it, I'll let you know) Nonetheless, it's an interesting place and I've learned a few things along the way. Such as:

- the sideways head bob (popular in the south) can be used to convey just about anything. I've tried to decipher it and so far I've come up with the following meanings; "yes" "no" "maybe" "I have no clue" "I don't care" "please stop talking to me"

- marble (used extensively in India) is very slippery. Especially when wet, and espcially when you are here in the monsoon season and happen to be very clumsly like myself.

- goats are a pack animal. How do I know this? well, they never sleep on the street alone, always in a group. Also, goats, like cows are effective speed bumps (since they always lay in the middle of the street)

- peacocks are agressive. I almost got attacked by one.

- gods won't hear your music, no matter how loud you chose to play it. WHY? because they are made of stone!(the locals play loud, shrilling, screeching music to the deities in the shrines, to amuse them apparently)

- nothing should take 500 years to build. (this temple I visited yesterday did)

- elephant trunks are uncomfortable and prickly (see above picture)

Wish me luck, I have almost two more weeks of this!

Rock your body

Meet the "OhMiBod". It's a vibrator powered off your ipod. But wait, there's more! Get this: it vibrates to the rhythm and intensity of your music. That makes me laugh... can you imagine listening to the White Stripes or any angry white boy music? you'd just about blow yourself up!!! You can even join their "club vibe" where

OMB users can instantly (and anonymously) become part of a fun, hip community called CLUB VIBE (ohmibod.com/clubvibe), where other OMB aficionados write about their experience, trade tips, share their favorite playlists, and more. Log into iTunes and search "OhMiBod" under the iMix section and see what music is turning other people on and purchase those songs quickly and easily!

So for fun, I checked out one of the playlists that would best "rock your body". Some songs on the playlist were "Crazy Love" (Van Morrison), "Sweet Jane" (Cowboy Junkies), "Crash into me" (Dave Matthews). (I was pleased that no heavy metal made the list)

I think the ipod is one of the great inventions ever, and now it has an added bonus! who knew?

Blender's "50 worst songs ever"

Blender magazine (a magazine I personally have never heard of nor read but puts out random "lists" of things, for attention I suppose) has put out it's list of "50 worst songs ever". EVER is a pretty strong word so I was intrigued and checked it out. For the most part, the list is accurate. I mean who doesn't agree that songs such as these are so annoying that you'd be willing to throw yourself out of a moving car if forced to listen to them!

My heart will go on (#50)
I'd do anything for meatloaf (#44) (I have a real problem with ANY meatloaf song)
Shiny happy people #35 (a horrible song, from a great band!)
Barbie girl #33 (made worse by the fact that my boyfriend and his friend sing it while drunk)
mmmmm mmmm #31 (the crash test dummies as a band are atrocious)
Sunglasses at night (#23)
Dancing on the ceiling (#20)
Kokomo (#12)
Don't worry be happy (#7)


I was shocked to see that songs like "macarena", "who let the dogs out", "my humps" and "patio lanterns" didn't make the list! I mean how could you forget how bad those songs were!!! But the true crime is the fact that they list "Party all the time" as the #8 all time worst song!!! that's a classic! "my girl wants to party, all the time, party all the time, party all the time" come on! genius lyrics! (never mind the fact that for the longest time I thought he was saying "potty" but still....) Bastards! I'll have to have a word with them!

I love Halloween. Give me any opportunity to dress up and I'm all over it. I think that's why I went into the clothing business and the fashion business. Give me an opportunity to dress up and I'm there. Last year, my co-workers and I dressed up like the village people. It was awesome. Most of my co-workers are as keen as dressing up as I am so it was fantastic. I was the Indian, but we had the construction worker, cowboy, motorcycle guy, and cop. At the time, we were down an employee and when we were interviewing people, we actually asked them "we have a group costume planned, are you willing to dress as the sailor if you are offered this job" (he did and now works with us) We did a group performance of "YMCA" which had the whole office roaring. So this year, we have a tough act to follow. We decided that this year's theme would be "superheroes" Since we don't know which superheroes to be, we turned to the internet. The Superhero Quiz has a little quiz that helped us out. We decided we would be whatever character the quiz decided. With questions like:

"do you like to fly" (of course, who doesn't?)
"are you accident prone" (who me?)
"are you VERY comfortable with your body" (I'm not sure what with VERY in capitals!)
"do you ever wear a pushup bra" (I plead the fifth)
"will you sometimes go too far to get your way" (define TOO far? do tears count?)
"are you obviously powerful" (over my dog, MAYBE)


It determines which superhero you are most like. So, I end up being "the Flash" Fast, Athletic and Flirtatious (supposedly). We have: Wonderwoman, Catwoman and The Green lantern lined up so far. This could be interesting.

swingin' in Bali

I have always wanted to go to Bali. There is just something so mystical and exotic about the place. On my constant quest to continually search out where to travel in this world, I came upon something most interesting.

The Bali Lifestyle resort. The place truly does look amazing, but something sets it apart from other places. You see, the bali lifestyle resort is for swingers. They say:

We offer you the “swingers” vacation of your lifetime on the most beautiful island on earth. We have a lot of experience in organizing festive stays and we can guarantee you a great time with a lot of sex and fun during your stay!

they go on to say...

Every Saturday night from 9PM & later we organize parties for approx. 25 couples! The parties maintain a strict dress-code, so all our guests should be dressed sexy or naked, & sex is allowed throughout the entirety of the premises. Condoms, buffet/snacks/ will be free, as well as all non alcoholic and alcoholic drinks. We're sure you'll have an amazing time!

Thinking that this is just some fluke or perverted thing, I did more research. But nope, there are tons of websites out there dedicated to the swinging vacationing world. For once, I'm speechless!!! and NO, honey, we are NOT going on a swinger vacation!!!

Disgustingly Fascinated

So next month, I'm off to India for work. I did it last year and to say it was interesting was an understatement. For starters, I wasn't ready for the sheer heat and humidity. I'm not kidding when I say I got off the plane and my glasses fogged up because they literally did.

Since I was going for work, I didn't get to see any of the "pretty" places such as Goa or the Taj Mahal. I saw factory towns in India and Mumbai. Mumbai is known for having the largest slums in Asia (and also the world) I think the reason that most of the international flights arrive in the middle of the night is so you literally can't see the slums (as they are right beside the airport runways)

This year, I will actually have some time to spend in Mumbai so I was looking up some things to do while in India. I came across this For the equivalent of $14Cdn, you can take a day tour of the slums (80% of the funds goes to a NGO to help run the school in the slums) My first instinct is "for God's sakes, WHY!" and then I became fascinated... I've seen them from the streets and from a car, but I've not had a reason to venture deep into them... what would I see? what would it be like? would it be life changing? A friend of a friend (who is Indian) recommended that I


"wear light coloured full sleeve shirt and full pants, NOT shorts & t shirt. Canadian immunity is no match to the bacteria found in Mumbai.
Also, do not eat or drink at the slums. "

at 40C, I'd be hard pressed to wear a long sleeve shirt and pants, I may as well wear a biohazard suit! I also like the "do not eat or drink at the slums" see the problem is I have a hard time eating ANYTHING in India! It's not that it's bad, it's just that I'm a picky (aka boring) eater and I'd rather jump out of a plane than try new foods! (besides, they have a love of masala spice in India which everything starts to taste like after two days)

It remains to be seen whether or not I will actually visit the slums (shopping in the markets may win out) but I'm sure it would be interesting!

Build a better booty

My friend Theresa (aka Tiramisu) and I have decided that we'd like to build better bodies for the end of the summer and so, we have decided to join a boot camp. It's no cheesy bootcamp where they holler and scream at you and make you wear camouflage(the instructor tried to get Tiramisu to drop and do 10 cause she was late and Tiramisu laughed at her) It's offered through Dream_Athletica and the instructor is great. But I'm not going to lie, it's hell! A typical 90 minute workout burns between 800-1200 calories (to me, it feels like 15,000)

This bootcamp takes place outdoors, 90 minutes, twice a week overlooking coal harbor. We do a wide variety of ass-kicking activities such as: running up stairs, various drills, ab exercises that I feel for three days, and my all time least favorite: running. We're lucky as we have a small group (4-5 of us) and we spend much of the first 15 minutes laughing and joking. I'm sure we'd spend the next 75 minutes laughing and joking but we're too busy wiping the sweat off our bodies. Before I joined this bootcamp, I didn't think women could sweat, just "glisten" nicely. I was wrong!

Three weeks into the six week bootcamp, I don't feel any firmer yet. Which is odd, because by now, I'd have expected rock hard abs! (I'm telling you, it's ASS kicking) The funniest exercise that we do are these "jumps". Usually we do them up a hill (which is a challenge, let me tell you) Everytime we do them, I get the song "She drives me crazy" stuck in my head. why? Because in the "She drives me crazy" video they do EXACTLY the same move! (except in cool black and yellow suits and not up a hill!)

Halfway into this, I am noticing increased energy (who am I kidding? Most days I feel like I can move mountains) but sadly, I lack the rock hard abs and smaller pant size. I did however, show everyone my new "muscle" (everyone but my boyfriend laughed, he's nicely trained) I can see the start of definition, but I suppose it's subjective!

Here's hoping the remaining 3 weeks will provide me with much needed abs!

Did someone steal the stars from the sky...

I guess single guys all over the world are discovering that cheesy lines get nothing but laughter. (I swear to God, a guy said to me in a bar once "Do you clean your pants with windex? Cause I can see myself in them")

The Mystery Method has come along to rescue these poor sods! Their best selling seminar is the Mystery Method Bootcamp. This is how they sell it:

"Imagine spending 25-30 hours over a weekend with the world's top pickup artists, who will teach you everything from how to attract beautiful women in any situation to how to find and get the type of long-term girlfriend you want. At a bootcamp, you get to see and hear Mystery's techniques - many of which are brand new and not available online or in any other program. You get to see the instructors use these techniques - live - so you can learn how it works in the real world, not in someone else’s theory. In these unscripted interactions with multiple beautiful women, the Mystery Method is put to the test every night of every program. Not only do we prove that it works; we’ll show you how it can work for YOU."

Personally, I couldn't imagine spending 25-30 hours with the world's pickup artists. I think my eyes would permanently roll back into my head and I'd be tired of saying "give up" Nonetheless, for $1600, you too can learn from the "world's pickup artists" on how to find and "get" the type of girl you want.

I prefer the old fashioned way of laughing in the face of cheesy lines. I've always said that men are so much better than women at rejection, they're so much more used to it!

Learn (& laugh) about The Method

Kermit does Miss Piggie?

As a child of the 70's, I have very fond memories of the Muppet show. If I remember correctly, the muppets were on Friday nights. Mom would give us a bath, stick us in fresh jammies and plunk us in front of the tv for our favorite show. But now, now THIS????

The Edinburgh festival has a show called "Jim Henson's Improv- Not for Children" they describe it as:

"The Jim Henson Company's renowned puppeteers demonstrate what happens when traditional comedic improvisation is mixed with the uninhibited anarchy of live puppet performance. Not your average night of improv and definitely not for children."

Nice... Apparently it's an improv show (which by definition, I would HATE!) So you know all the pervs in the audience would have Kermit "mounting" Miss Piggie. Read about it here (with any luck, it will come to the Vancouver Fringe Fest....)

No Scruf? No thanks!

Being half Portuguese I've struggled with hair all my life. When I was born, I came out with a full head of hair, long eyelashes and a layer of hair on my back (which makes me question my mom's honesty when she said I was the most beautiful baby in the hospital) Needless to say, being part monkey in a hairless world has had it's challenges. I started shaving my legs when I was 12, and if it weren't for my religious appointments with Camelia (the best eyebrow groomer in the world!) I'd have the fiercest unibrow! So when I heard about this group of women, who as part of their rebellion against men with unshaven faces, stopped shaving, I was intrigued.

No Scruf Is the National Organization of Social Crusaders Repulsed by Unshaven Faces. Yes, apparently there is a group of women who have banded together and are so sick and tired of men getting away with not shaving every day, they have decided to stop shaving all together!!! The founder, Terry Tarentelli, is a swimsuit model who is fed up of the shaving inequalities between men and women. She believes this social injustice has to be stopped and has decided to stop shaving alltogether (I fervently scoured the internet looking for this unshaved beauty in a swimsuit with no success!!!) I'm still not convinced that this movement is not a huge publicity stunt, but apparently many women have joined their "movement" and they regularly hold rallies.

As much as my man would like to think that a couple days growth makes him as sexy as George Michael in his "Faith" days, it doesn't (sorry honey!) and yes, when he kisses me with said growth it can be uncomfortable. But in true optimist form, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade! I take advantage of my "personal exfoliation" pad and use his scruf to scratch my back and exfoliate wherever it's needed (he usually gets tired of this quickly and shaves pronto) And yes, we as women can go on about how much more surface area we have to shave, how much longer it takes, and in the heat of the summer we have to do this EVERY DAY! But isn't this part of what makes us the "fairer" (and more superior) sex?

So for now, I'll continue with my religious hair removal and when my boyfriend is too lazy to shave and I'm sick of it, I'll continue to put him to work as my personal exfoliation pad.

And the award for best makeup artist goes to....

Eva Longoria's makeup artist!

BEFORE....




AFTER....



Suddenly I don't feel like I look so bad in the morning....

Kill me if I ever get this lonely!

Before I met my amazing man (Hi Honey!) I spent a lot of my adult life single. Though I was single, I always had enough going on in my life to keep me busy and relatively fulfilled. Sure there were long periods of time where I went without male affection and it would have been nice on some days to know you had someone of the opposite sex around to give you a hug. Apparently others out there feel the same way, and in true 21st century fashion, someone has made a club to address this lack of physical touch issue.

The Art of Loving in Vancouver, has all kinds of "interesting" seminars. Some highlights are; "The Art of flirting" (it's an "art"?), "Giving good head", "an introduction to swinging in Vancouver" (I wonder if they offer tips on how to avoid bosses and co-workers, because that would just be WRONG) and my personal favorite "Dating the ethnic man: Strategies for success". Listed along with these seminars though, is a monthly "cuddle club". For $30 a person, you get to partake in the cuddle club. For all you would be perverts who are thinking of copping a cheap feel, they bill this as competely non-sexual affair (all your clothes must stay on). But like any club, there are rules. Such as;

3.) Bring PJ’s, pillows or favorite blanket and a beverage….this can be thirsty work.

is Cuddling a sport? it doesn't usually make ME thristy!?!?!

5.) Always make a request or invite a cuddle or touch before hand.

Isn't that what you're there for? could you imagine how dejected someone would feel if they asked someone to cuddle and they said "NO" after they just paid to go and cuddle?

8.) Shower before the club party.

I'm sure everyone's thankful for this one... what would be worse than cuddling with a stranger with bad b.o!

12.) Sharing stories, making friends, laughing and perhaps crying has been known to occur.

this one time... in band camp.... what the HELL do you talk about while cuddling with someone you don't know?

14.) Thank your cuddle club friend when your inner authority tells you its time to move on or take a break.

your "inner authority"?!?!?!? is that like your "inner voice" the voices, the voices, make the voices STOP!!!!! but thanks for the cuddle....

I told my friend Tiramisu about this and she had the BEST idea... sign our boyfriends up for the cuddle seminar under the guise of a "how to give women great orgasm" seminar (payback's a bitch honey!). But now that I've blown the cover, it won't work! but DAMN! what a fine idea... I'd love to see the kind of people that go to this thing... I'm picturing the lonely middle aged accountant that shows up with his blankie and sucking his thumb!