Heaven is a place on earth...

Last month, one of my best girl friends, J, was in Italy for trade shows.  Since she was there, we decided to meet up and do a mini vacation together.  Since hearing about it ten years ago, Cinque Terre has been a dream destination of mine.  Surprisingly, Cinque Terre is "relatively" untouched.  It's a UN heritage protected zone and since the write wrote about Cinque Terre a few years ago, it has gotten a lot more popular, though it still has kept it's charm.  In Cinque Terre there's not a single chain restaurant or hotel.  All of them appear to be small locally owned places.  I had high expectations of Cinque Terre and I'm happy to report, it lived up to them.

J and I are unconvential tourists, so of course, we did it unconventionally.  Typically, most people start at the first town from La Spezia: Riomaggiore and make their way to Monterosso.  But the distances are so short between the towns that by train it takes no more than 20 minutes from Monterosso to Riomaggiore and you can even hike in between the towns.  Though hiking between the towns sounds cute and charming (and mostly is) unless you want to feel like a donkey, opt for leaving your luggage at a home base, between the heat, steepness of some of the terrain and incredible views, lugging luggage is going to be the last thing on your mind.

 For the first two nights, we stayed just outside the five lands up in the hills above Framura.  We stayed at a family run small b&b above the hills of Framura. 

Each of the towns has their own charm.  For instance, Mannarola is best for beaching.  Most of the town is along the ocean and for less than 10 euros, you can rent a chair and umbrella and spend a day on the medditeranean. 

Vernazza, is the most commercial of the town and probably the easiest accesible.  You can walk from the train station to the harbour in no time and pass thru all the shops (Vernazza has the best shopping)

We didn't make it to the middle town: Corniglia, for a number of reasons.  We ran out of time and it was the hardest to access.  The trail between Manarola and Corniglia (the easiest way to get to Corniglia) was washed out and we didn't want to spend the effort to find another way to get there!

Manarola had the biggest harbour, but the town felt a bit disjointed.  The town was divided into upper and lower parts but we enjoyed some good eats along the lower parts near the harbour where there were some amazing sunsets!

For 3 nights, we rented an apartment in Riomaggiore.  It was high on the hills above town (read- lots of stairs up) had 2 balconies and a tremendous view of the medditeranean.

On our last night in Riomaggiore, we experienced quite possibly one of the more random sights... it was an end of season street party in front of the train station and the town put on a foam party.  Having never been to a rave before, this was a new experience for me. So when I was all the sub 10 year olds playing in the foam, I was the first adult to join in.  Many other adults, happily followed me and there we were.  In the middle of one of the most beautiful places on earth, throwing foam (and having foam thrown at us) by 8 years olds. 

It was a sad place to leave and a month later, J and I still envy the feelings of peace and beauty we had!

tips: 

DO
* Book your hotels ahead.  There aren't many of them and they book quickly.
* Have dinner at Pie de Ma in Riomaggiore.  Every night there is a chef's menu and the sunsets from the cliff are amazing.
* Hike the trails.  The most strenuous one is from Monterosso to Vernazza (though if you do it from Vernazza you avoid crazy narrow steep stairs that will make you feel like a donkey)

DON'T
* Don't go in July and August unless you find great comfort in crowds.  One day in Riomaggiore, a cruise ship day tour was in town and I got a feel for what it was like and all I can say is: DON'T DO IT!
* As charming as it sounds, leave the luggage behind.  With such easy access, stay at one or two spots and travel between them.

The Vernazza Harbour

Monterroso al Mare from the water

Doing the hike from Vernazza to Monterosso.  The hiking boots are

because of this sign! We wanted to be ironic and hike in dresses.  But we're still practical, so we had proper footwear!

The view of Vernazza on the hike to Monterosso

Along the hike was this cute old man playing tunes on his sax

The view of Monterosso halfway thru the hike

After our hike, some much needed beach time

The hills above Monterosso

the foam party in Riomaggiore

 Just too phallic for words...

then the adults joined in.

One of the prettier and easier hikes.  From Riomaggiore to Manarolo on the Via Del Amore (way of love)

 A gorgeous stop on the hike for a capuccino or gelato

On The Via Del Amore, couples come to "seal" their love.  All of those things hanging on the rail are locks.  Couple come to seal their love with locks.  The cynic in me wonders if they come back and cut the locks off if the love doesn't work out...

       

It's true that things happen in 3's!

Things have been quiet in the writing world. NOT because I haven't had anything to write about! There's been a ton going on! From an amazing trip to Cinque Terre, a spontaneous girls weekend to the Bodensee to swinging on trees and ropes in the forest.  But logistics have stopped me from doing this as my computer died a couple of weeks ago.  It started out like a normal day, but then my computer would turn itself off.  Then, I would turn it back on.  And it would turn itself back off.  This went on for a day, and the next day, she decided not to come back on at all.  And then I did what all modern women do when their computer dies: I panicked.  My pictures! my videos!  And so I set on a search of how to recover my data.  I almost resigned myself to it being a lost cause and then, like a needle in a haystack, I found a great shop with customer service (I say needle in a haystack, because Germany is not exactly known for it's outstanding customer service!) 

I asked helpful guy if they fixed computers (they didn't) and when I explained myself (in English, because charades weren't going to happen) he explained to me that there is this device that you can help with this.  Long story short, you extract hard drive from your computer, connect it to this device, connect it to a power source and then to a usb to your new computer and voila, data can be gotten.  I was amazed that it was that simple and cost only 20 euro and even more amazed that he volunteered this info!  Poor guy didn't know what hit him when I thanked him about 30 times in a row!!! It was all I could do to hold myself back and not hug him!

It wasn't exactly in my budget to buy a new computer, mostly because galavanting thru Europe on weekends isn't the easiest on the wallet, but because this is my 3rd electronic device in as many weeks to bite the bullet.  First, was my cappucino machine (aka morning saviour), then my camera in Italy and now my laptop.  It's ironic that they all died within 3 weeks of each other, but even more so since they were all gifts from my ex husband, so it's appropriate that they went down in flames in such a short time much like my marriage to him!

Finding solace in Dr.Seuss

To my knowledge, I have never read any Dr. Seuss books as a kid. You see, I grew up in the French part of Canada and spent all of my primary school years in French school. To be fair, Dr. Seuss was probably available in French, I just never knew about it. Then again, I was a pretty nerdy kid. When I was old enough to read on my own, I read books about astronomy and the history of math. I do remember lots of Richard Scarry books though.



Even know I may not have read any Dr. Seuss books, I have crossed paths with excerpts from them. After all, you’d have had to live under a rock to have not heard of him growing up in North America. I do remember hearing about “Oh, the places you’ll go” but honestly had no idea what it was about. Then the other day, I looked it up. And it’s genius! Is this mandatory reading for kids? If not, it should be! How one can capture the story of the ups and downs of life in such a light spirit (let alone colorful words and rhyming) is absolute.bloody.genius.


I get that it’s main purpose was to entertain and inspire children, but is it wrong for me, at the ripe old age of 38, having never read Dr. Seuss to now find inspiration in it?

On “you can do anything”

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.


You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.


You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

On doubt

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.


You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?


And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.


On life’s disapointments


I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.


You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.


You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

On loneliness

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

Dr Seuss, I may have never come across the path of your literary genius until now, but thank you. Thank you for writing such an inspiring and realistic tale of life. Life is about ups and downs. And we always make it thru anything, with a little humour.

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

How to recognize your future ex husband...

And in most random book titles....  I came across an article while surfing the internet last week talking about "how to recognize your future ex-husband"  Of course it had me piqued for a number of reasons, most obviously now that I'm divorced and have tried my hand at dating, I realize I still have some fears to deal with.

You see, the man I married was pretty much the definition of narcissist. In a sentence "It is difficult to recognize a narcissist because he (or she) spends all of his time acting, protecting his ego by presenting to the world a mask a false image of himself. " 

After 2 years, I feel great about myself and wouldn't look back.  But for the first year, I pretty much beat myself up everyday with things like "I should have known better" and though I'm much more gentle on myself and as cliche as it is, I still fear I won't be able to recognize the signs if faced with a similar situation. 

This is where the book comes in.  The article I read basically sums it up to the things you rationalize while dating.  Of course it seems obvious, but how many of us are blinded in the moment?  We'll see what else the book goes into and if it has any gems of info, but at the very least, it'll make great coffee table fodder when my girlfriends come over!

Is there a middle ground?

One of the things I've been making myself try to do since moving here is to force myself to go out and socialize.  By anyone's definition, I'm outgoing but oxymoronically, but I'm really, really awkward and going out and talking to new people.  If there's already a connection thru friends of friends, it's easier for me cause we have a starting point.  But to blankly go out and socialize?  I'd rather eat eggplant.

But in order to go out and expand my social circle, I force myself out to various English Stammtisch's (where fellow ex pats get together and mingle)  I've been so overcome approaching an entire group of people that I don't know that I've actually gone to them and then walked away out of fear!  It brings me back to being the new girl in school constantly as a kid and trying to make new friends.  I guess there's some things we'll never get over!

One of the things I'm most uncomfortable with is small talk.  The whole "where are you from? what do you do? nice weather we're having"  I'd rather people share their stories, debates, whatever.  So I should have known better when I was recently complaining to friends that one of the things I disliked about the stammtisch's and meeting new people was the small talk.  I should have known Murphy was going to bite me in the ass.  He's bitten me in the ass a number of times, like when I told an ex boyfriend that if India was the last place on earth, I didn't want to go.  Well, 5 trips for me to India later, ex boyfriend hasn't gone!

It started out innocently enough.  My friend A (who is hyper social and making me work thru this fear of meeting strangers) approached a table and started talking to them.  Since she broke the ice, I felt more comfortable joining in.  Then I got to talking to an Israeli fellow, and if he knew what small talk was, he wasn't letting on.   I had mentioned I'd gone to Israel before so thought that would be a good common ground.  Well, it turns out he was a missile designer and for two hours he gave me his take about peace (or lack thereof) in the middle east.  Don't get me wrong, certainly I'm not opposed to political conversations, but this was getting heavy.  Ever try to discuss the Israel/Palestine crisis with an Israeli missile designer? 

Why is it that small talk, like dating, there doesn't seem to be any middle ground?

Germany, throw a girl a bone.

Well, Deutschland. You and I have been intimate now for 7 months. Ours has not been an easy relationship. I met you with an open mind and had no preconceptions of how you would be to live with. Sometimes, I think you’re just playing tricks on me. Like the time I was locked in the dark bathroom stall at work facing my one and only fear of claustrophobia or the one where I couldn’t figure out how to make my German car go in reverse, open the gastank or the trunk. I know that you have an odd sense of humor. What else can explain those two dots over your vowels that make words unpronounceable? Other times, I think you’ve just been cruel to me. I mean really? A plumbing issue that’s lasted over 3 months in a language I don’t understand. I’m starting to be convinced that I must have seriously offended German plumbers in a former life and I’m paying for it in this life.


As a foreigner, I’ve accepted your bizarre rules. Like the fact that I can’t wash my car or grocery shop on Sundays but I CAN pick berries, visit prostitutes and gamble. I do struggle with the fact that a lot of your rules are unwritten and that I’m somehow meant to just “know” these things.


I can’t help but feel like the crazy one in the room since all your fellow countrymen all seem to ask me “Why are you here?” when they find out I’m from Canada and for the first time, I’m starting to wonder myself.


Germany, I am accepting of your faults and hope you will be of mine, but I’m starting to ask myself, “if you didn’t want me here, why did you pick me to move here”. I know I got a tattoo a few years ago to reinforce my belief of “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” but do you really need to test out my theory every day of the year?


I do thank you for giving me great friends, because without them, I would have melted down (and I also would have less of a liver) You see, they’ve known you a lot longer than me and so they’ve learned how to live with you and provide me with meaningful advice.


But how about we let bygones be bygones and we put the past behind. I still have high hopes for you Deutschland and I still believe in you. But I’d really, really, REALLY like it if we could make things just a tad easier. I don’t mean lay out the red carpet for me or anything, but I’d sure love it if everyday of my life you didn’t test my evergrowing patience and make things just a little bit smoother. So can we agree to put our differences aside and maybe you can let me co-exist quietly and a little bit more hassle free alongside you? Deal?

German efficiency: 0 Ongoing frustration: 1

I should have known it was too good to be true.  Though I've only lived in Germany 7 months, I've figured out that nothing is as simple as it seems.  In North America, we hear constantly how Germany is one of the last bastions of efficiency. And I still say, lies! lies! and lies! 

It's been 3 months since the pipe burst inside my bathroom wall and the plumbers came to make a one meter tall by half a meter wide hole in my bathroom.  When that happened, the plumber explained to me (in German and charades) what would need to happen.  It involved about 5 different workers coming and doing their part and everyone thought it would be finished within 2 weeks.  Flash foward 3 months:  they had to take the kitchen out for 3 weeks, dry the walls for 2 weeks and then there was no activity for about a month. A month after the walls were dry, some clown came by to look at the wall and make an estimate. Nothing again for 3 weeks. 3 weeks later, the same clown came back to look at the hole and make an estimate. Then nothing. Then, FINALLY after me flipping out on my landlord (who said to me and I quote... "if you're sick of the hole drape a towel over it!") and any worker that would come by, someone made an appointment to come back for 2 days and fix this once and for all.

The day came today. I was skeptical, but excited. Finally, Helmutt (after 3 months I figured I should name it!) got shut. I was excited. Even though the workers showed up at 7am the day after I got back from Asia and jetlagged, I sucked it up. After 6 hours of the workers being here, they told me the job couldn't be finished because one of the clowns ordered the wrong tiles! Of course he did. Why would I expect this to be fixed within the year? I should have known better...

The (un)glamorous life of business travel

I'm supposed to be in shanghai right now, but instead, I'm stuck in Ho chi Minh city. I heard about typhoon mufia so checked the reports before bed and all looked well. My flight was at the ungodly hour of 730, which meant I had to get up at 4:30am. I checked the airline and airport website before leaving the hotel and everything still looked to be on track for departure.

I was a little apprehensive since mufia was meant to be the biggest typhoon in HISTORY! But before I went to bed last night, they said it had calmed down and the brunt of it was going to miss shanghai.

I've never been afraid of flying, I credit it to my first experience on a plane: I was 6 years old and my grandmother had taken me to (then) Yugoslavia for a month. On the way home, a piece of satellite cracked or broke the cockpit windshield and the plane started decompressing and the emergency masks came down. I still remember my grandmother putting the mask on me and everyone crying and praying on the plane. We made an emergency landing in London and I remember feeling like my world had ended because on the way off the plane, my favorite doll blew away (6 year olds and their priorities you know )

Since then I've been lucky, my flight experiences have been less dramatic. The closest I've come in all these years and dozens of flights was being in a propeller plane thru a thunderstorm in south India. I believe it was also the first and last time I prayed!

I love that I get to travel for work and still pinch myself that it's been a perk for the last 8 years. But to say work travel is glamourous, is a big myth (almost in the same proportions of saying Germany is efficient!) crowded airports, swine flu outbreaks where laser thermometers are randomly pointed at your forehead, hotels that take hours to figure out light switches and seeing your life flash before your eyes on an Indian road one too many times are just part of the fun and part of the job.

Even through missed flights, crazy traffic, stressful meetings and 150% humidity, I still love travelling for work and love that it's a perk. But glamourous, it is not!

Why your clothes about to get a whole lot more expensive

Clothing has been made in china since the late 70's or so. However, until 10 years ago there was quota on all clothing being made and shipped to any country that was part of the WTO. Quota was set by each country that imported clothing from china. Each factory wanting to produce clothing for the 1st world would request quota and quota became a commodity. Manufacturers would sell their extra quota or buy leftover quota from their competitors. As a result quota was operated on the basic supply and demand system of economics. When I started in the garment business back in 1999, us quota for cotton woven pants (the most valued commodity) was priced in the neighborhood of us $3.00 per pant. If you consider that the total wholesale cost of an "average" pair of pants leaving the factory was in the $10 range, quota played a big part of the total garment cost.

Then, in 2001, the WTO deemed quota unfair and the floodgates opened. Clothing manufacturing in china took off. Like a bullet train. People couldn't build factories fast enough and retailers couldn't place orders fast enough. In the past 10 years china has become the world's closet.

But in the past 10 years, a funny thing happened. Factory owners were getting rich, workers, though paid little, were able to send money home to their families and give their children an education. In that time, workers started realizing that they could walk across the street and make iPods for more money. So to entice new workers, factories had to keep increasing wages. Then the cost of every day goods like food started to get more expensive and workers started striking to make more money and factories had to give in or lose their workforce and now after ten years of this and the cost of labour is going up. And up. In the past year alone, wages for the average Chinese clothing worker have gone up about 30%.

And now that we have all become reliant on cheap disposable clothing, these increases have become hard to swallow. They have been great for China and arguably for the Chinese worker (though they make what we consider a pittance, workers are still able to send home a third of their wages home to their family in often rural areas)

As the labour costs of China have gone up, retailers have begun looking elsewhere: Thailand, Indonesia and Vietnam. So in the past 5 years clothing manufacturing in these countries has also taken off. The wages in these countries are still lower than china's, but because growth has been faster in these countries, wages have had to rise faster. From Vietnam (where I'm travelling for work right now) they're experiencing double digit inflation and the government has had to raise the unemployment rate 3 months ahead of schedule.

Clothing, unlike most other things for the past 15 years has been coming down in price because of cheap labour, but now that the clothing industry is slowly running out of "cheap" labour our days of disposable clothing may not be far behind.

Some in the industry think that with all these price increases, it just may come full circle. Now that the manufacturing countries are gaining a middle class, they'll change into consumers and the consumer countries will turn back into the manufacturing companies. That may be a bit drastic (for now) considering the average textile worker in china makes just over $100 us/month, but food for thought....

Little mangosteen, oh how much I love thee.

The first time I met a mangosteen was in Thailand.  I was fascinated by this oddly shaped little thing with a cute top. When it was cut open for me, I was a bit freaked out by this thing that looked liked a baseball shaped eggplant but looked like a garlic bulb on the inside and I was very reluctant to try it (as much as I love food, I get freaked out, sweaty and clammy when forced to try new foods.  It was honestly less scary to jump out of a plane then me having to try new foods)  I was hesitant but it was a business lunch and I wasn't going to walk into another opportunity to humilate myself so I did.  And it was amazing!  It may look like a bulb of garlic but it tasted like deliciousness.  It sort of had the texture of a lychee but was a thousand times more delicious. 

Because the mangosteen is quite elusive (due to the fact it's not sprayed, it has really strict import rules into the western world) of course I wanted it more.  Kinda like the forbidden fruit.  Literally.  So whenever I'm in Asia, I always have one eye on the open street markets out for these mangosteens.  And when found, I've been known to buy an obscene quantity and gorge on them for dinner. What? they're high in antioxidants and good for me!!!

So imagine my surprise when they showed up at my business lunch today.  It was like I won the lottery! My eyes lit up and I could see or hear nothing else.  focus. on. the. mangosteen.   I tried really hard to hold back and not eat them all (I did a good job, but I think everyone was kind of afraid to get in between me and the mangosteen)

So little mangosteen, I love you.  You're quite possibly the best fruit I've ever tasted. 

Why did the foreigner cross the road?

I've been temporarily let out of Germany and I'm in Asia for two weeks on business: One week Ho Chi Min City and one week Shanghai.  I'm considering it a bit of a luxury to only have to deal with a 6 hour time change (rather than the usual 16 hours from North America) and to only have to be in 2 cities in 2 weeks.  My previous work trips have been known to include 4 countries in 9 days.

A collegue gave me a strict set of instructions last year before my first visit: cross at the zebra stripes, walk slowly and at a consistent pace and look straight ahead.  Don't look left or right and whatever you do, don't flinch.  When he gave me those instructions, I laughed.  After all, I grew up in Montreal and consider myself a professional j-walker.  I've been to India 5 times and saw the craziness that is traffic (though you couldn't be a pedestrian in India due to the lack of sidewalks and sharing the space with cows!)  Yeah right I thought.  Surely, it's nothing.  Man, was I wrong.

Of all the crazy things I've done in my life, and there have been a lot, from jumping out of a plane, white water rafting class IV rapids in costa rica, paragliding off a mountain and getting a tatoo in Argentina, none have been as scary as crossing the street in Vietnam. No, really.

I stick to the rule of crossing only at zebra stripes or traffic lights. And even then, it's really, really hard not to flinch.  To have a car or motorcycle barelling ahead of you and to just keep going not knowing how agile they are, well, it's nerve racking.  The motorcyclists are use to this and have it down to an art.  I've had motorcycles come within 2 inches of me, literally!  The most important rule to follow is to walk at a consistent pace.  This way, motorists can gauge your speed and you won't mess up their system.  Flinch, and your toes (or worse) will get hit.

I've scoured youtube for the best example of what it's really like.  Some of the videos that people have posted aren't nearly as bad as what it's REALLY like.  But the video above is a pretty accurate example of what it's really like.  I've never been somewhere where I really had to analyze if I REALLY wanted to cross the street!

Half a year in

6 months ago today, I got on a plane at yvr and left friends, family, a comfortable job and a country I knew behind for a blind leap of faith.  Unlike my last major move, this one wasn't for love, but for a job.  I'm long over the jet lag, but it's still goint to take a long time to get over the culture shock!

These past 6 months have been a ride.  In a lot of ways, it's like relearning most of what you know.  I'll never forget 5 months ago, when I got my new (to me) car and I couldn't figure out how to put the thing in reverse.  Or how to open the trunk.  Or how to open the gas tank.  sigh. 

And then the panic that I would feel when I would go into stores and they'd say something to me.  Most of the time it was something along the lines of "Can I help you" but if they didn't say it in the only way that I understood, I was clueless.  Well, after 6 months, my palms have stopped sweating when people talk to me.  I still don't fully understand what they say, but the panic has subsided.

In these 6 months, I've also had to deal with a major plumbing issue (YES, the hole is still there- it celebrated it's two month anniversary last week), working in a mostly German environment (though we work in English, all my collegues are German and unintentionally forget to switch to English thereby keeping me out of the loop on some subjects) and seemlingly constant minor health issues (it seems like I'm allergic to every plant/tree/bush Germany can grow)

But through all of this, I have made an amazing circle of friends in such a short time and I'm so grateful.  For without them, there would be a whole lot more tears, empty wine bottles and charades.

For this journey at least, failure is not an option. 

When life hands you wasserschaden, head to Tuscany!

It all started with the dining room chairs. I had ordered them 2 months prior and was eagerly awaiting their arrival. It was the LAST thing I needed to complete my place! After nearly 6 months of transitioning (getting rid of old stuff, moving here, setting up, getting new stuff) the dining room chairs were the last step.

I dragged A with me to the store and we picked them up and carried them up to my place. We opened up the box and my face fell! Instead of the modern white moulded chairs with chrome legs and faux leather built in seat cushion it was this black leather and black/white heathered monstrosity.

I enlisted A’s German boyfriend to help. The next day he got on the phone to them and explained the situation. Long story short, yes, they gave me the wrong ones and I had paid in full for them, but they don’t know when the right ones are coming. And so they sit, in boxes in my hallway.

Since then, my place has been in chaos. Or, as the Germans call it “ein katastrof” the damage from the broken pipe is worse than they thought and so after a handful of workers have come and inspected the situation, I have walls ripped up, no stove or oven, pipes and dryers all set up in my house. When I came home the other day, I just stood in my apartment in shock. How? Why? Really??? I was so happy to be settled in and now I was living in a construction zone! After having a little cry (after dealing with relocating, I thought I was done the stressful stuff) I convinced myself it wasn’t the end of the world. Emailed my landlord and started negotiating for compensation (German tenancy laws are great that way)

And then, from nowhere, a silver lining appeared…

A girlfriend emailed me looking for a road trip partner to Tuscany. She had a free place to stay but no one to go with. Did I want to join? UMMMMM… YEAH! So instead of dealing with fans, landlords, moisture, mould, no stove (always a great diet plan- no stove = eating salads every night) I’m leaving it all behind for 5 nights in Tuscany. Ahhhhhhh…..

The start of beerfestival season

As almost anyone knows, Germans love their beer.  And so do Canadians.  So it's not without irony that this Canadian, living in Bavaria does not drink beer.  It's not that I don't drink alcohol, I socially engage in wine and other cocktails, but beer turns my stomach. literally.  The smell, the carbonation, everything about it.  But I love a good party more than I dislike beer and so with that, I'm going to my very first beer festival.

From now until the end of September, there are literally hundreds of beer festivals.  Every town and every neighborhood have their own little (or big beer fests) The biggest (and most touristy) being Oktoberfest in Munich. 

My first foray into beer festing, will be the Erlanger Bergkirchweih.  My friends have given me an idea of what to expect and given the descriptions, I'll want to stay sober for it.  The Erlanger Bergkirchweih is one of the biggest beerfests.  I've been told that it's basically Oktoberfest without the tourists.  It seems like it's the kitschy-ist of the kitsch without irony. 

To get into the spirit of things, my girlfriends and I have decided to get proper beer fest "outfits".  So earlier this week, we went shopping.  Specifically drindl and lederhosen shopping.  The best part about this is that here, these are not "costumes" but are actual outfits still worn regularly at such beer fests.  So, we bought our outfits at a regular department store and man, it did NOT let us down.  I did have my heart set on a drindl, but sadly my body shape was not meant to be dirdnl-ed.  It seems that I'm heavily lacking in the top department to make a dirdl proud.  And so, I settled for a kitschy pair of brown lederhosen complete with suspenders and checkered shirt.  The thought of wearing leather pants in June seems daunting, but thankfully the weather is calling for cooler temps.

I can't wait to get dressed up in my leather outfit, eat gigantic pretzels, surrounded by oompa bands, cheesy 70's band tributes, amazing people watching and drunken Germans.  It's sure to be a highlight of the summer.  I just hope that I give my lederhosen a lot more coolness than this guy!

Der, Die, Das oh how I hate you.

Well, it was 4 months last week since I've been in Germany.  I've been making a "bit" of progress on the language front.  I've had a couple more German classes and we're now on the highly dreaded "der, die, das".  Being able to speak French, I get that some languages have a (non-sensical) masculine and feminine distinguishment of nouns.  In french, the garbage is feminine and the book is masculine.  It makes no sense.  But since I learned it and was schooled in it as a kid, the distinction becomes second nature.  But now in my (ahem) late 30's, and picking up a 4th language, it's a lot harder.  Add to the fact that German has the added "bonus" of a "neutral" article.  Good lord.  And of course, there is no rhyme or reason to why things have der, die or das.

So far, my German has been on a need to know basis.  If I need to know something, I look it up and practice it before I have to say it.  This works particularly well in stores where the request is simple and I won't be left staring blankly after their response.  I've been particularly sucessful with "Haben Sie?"  (Do you have...)  I've learned a lot of words this way; like rauchmelder (smoke alarm),  reiningungsprodukte (cleaning products and a ridiculous mouthful) and knochen (bones- what? I have a dog!) 

I'm getting to a point though where I have a repertoire of a few (very few) sentences.  Because they're the only ones I know, I say them all the time and so am starting to be "believable".  The issue with this though is that people assume since you know these words, you must know more and so they babble on and on at full machine gun speed.  And I'm left staring blankly.  I go with the hope I can recognize a word, body language, hand signal, ANYTHING that will make me understand what they say.  My usual response is "I'm sorry, I only speak a little German" and theirs is usually "ahhh but you speak so good".  Yeah.  When you say the same 10 sentences over and over again, they start to roll off the tongue.

Since my German is so basic, I only know the present tense for everything.  It's interesting really.  It's like I have no past or no future.  only now.  I can only (sort of) tell you what I'm doing.  Not what I've done or will be doing.  In principle, it's not a bad place to be, but I can't help but feel like a 3 year old trapped in a late 30's body. 

Plumbing Drama

Last week, randomly, 2 men showed up at my house wanting to have a look around because there was a puddle of water in the garage and they were trying to find the source of it.  As it turns out, the source of it was behind my bathroom wall.

My first reaction was panic.  From what I know of German tenancy laws, they're strange and I was half expecting to pay for the repairs (any damage deemed your fault, from regular wear and tear etc.... needs to be paid from the tenant) After some research and assurances from friends, I'm not responsible and don't have to pay for the leak.

They came back again the other day to do more investigating.  It turns out the damage is worse than they thought and have to break apart 3 walls, put in a new toilet and retile.  That's the short story.  The real story took about 3 hours, a lot of charades and an iphone app. 

You see, so far, I only have about 4 classes worth of German and I talk the equivalent (and sound) like a 4 year old child.  Sure, I can say "Hi, How are you?" "My name is Katherine, I have a dog, I live in Nuremberg" "My cat is sitting in the drawer" (don't ask- I don't even have a cat!) as well as my phone number and very few other basics.  However, plumbing vocabulary is NOT within my repertoire of basic German.  And English was not in the plumbers repertoire.  And so, we resorted to charades and an iphone app.  The charades were a given, but the iphone app was genius.  When, after lots of charading, I still wasn't getting what they were saying.  Plumber #1 spoke some German into his iphone and his phone said back to me "the experts are coming on Monday".  It was genius.  I kinda feel like it's cruel and unusual punishment to have to tackle plumbing German only 4 months in, but whaddya do?

The nice thing about the toilets in Germany is that all of the plumbing is built into the wall, so it looks nice and clean.  The bad thing about toilets in Germany is that they're built into the wall so when you have a leak the whole wall needs to come apart (witness exhibit a in the picture above) to make matters more interesting, my walls are entirely tiled so how they're going to make it look normal again with matching tiles is beyond me.  And my German doesn't extend to asking.  All I know is that my bathroom will be a disaster for 10 days and after that, things are supposed to return to normal.  I think.  That's what the iphone app claimed anyhow!

Pleasantville

Recently, some friends asked me how I was liking Germany so far and what I thought were the good (and not so good things) about my past 4 months in Germany. There are definitely lots of great things (cost of living, autobahn driving, work/life balance etc…) and some extremely challenging things (traffic, the language, the atrocity that is my pollen allergies, cost of health care etc…) but the best way to FULLY describe my German experience so far is to say it’s like the movie Pleasantville.


You see, living in Germany is almost like a throwback to the 1950’s but with some current day elements. For instance, the crime rate is extremely low and trust level extremely high. My neighbors leave their bikes unlocked, entire cases of beer in the garage next to their car and the doctor sends me a bill every few months knowing that it will eventually be paid. In the world of North America, this would be unheard of: the bikes and beer would be stolen and the doctor won’t look at you until you prove your medical coverage.


Also, the fact that this country is still fairly religious and church bells go off several times a day and of course the nothing open Sundays. I remember growing up as a kid in Montreal hearing some church bells, but I also remember them being banned because they were too bothersome.


People still call each other “frau” and “herr” in everyday conversation (the equivalent of Mr and Mrs) to be fair, this tradition seems to be mainly prevalent in the older crowd.


Despite all this, it’s still as modern a culture as everyone else and every ex pat I know has adapted to living in Pleasantville Germany quite well. People swear that they love that the shops aren’t open on Sundays (I still grocery shop on Saturdays looking like I’m preparing for a nuclear war knowing I can’t get anything the next day) In a way, it’s refreshing to have all of the modernities of life, without any of the headaches like worrying about crime rates and homelessness but I can’t help that it also feels a smidge naïve. I’m sure this isn’t the same for all cities in Germany, but that’s what Nurnberg feels like. It’s like a trip back in time… to a kinder, gentler and less hectic place. But it definitely takes some getting used to!

Things my mother taught me

I was thinking back, and I “think” this is the first mother’s day I was away from my mom. My mom and I are really close and I missed her this mother’s day. But instead of focusing on the missing her part, I looked back at some of the things she taught me. My mom was a bit unconventional to say the least, but now that in my late 30’s and can envision motherhood, I really admire that. Here are just few of the (mostly) unconventional things she taught me…
- In a pinch, white toothpaste makes a great hole filler in walls (we moved a lot!)

- Table manners and table etiquette are important. I used to hate that she used to set out full cloth napkins and wine glasses for my juice when I was a kid, but appreciate it now!

- Embrace your dreams, whatever they may be. As a teen, I used to think my mom’s “oh that’s nice honey, as long as that makes you happy” attitude to my career choices was nonchalance. I used to joke that it didn’t matter if I told her I’d become a hooker or doctor, she’d have the same response. I now know she really meant “follow your dreams”

- If you have fear, don’t let it show. My mom and I lived alone for a long time and between the 2 of us, we became really resourceful and self-reliant. I was always amazed that my mom could rewire the vacuum or hang a ceiling lamp. If it blew up, she’d turn off the fuse and start again til she got it right. When I was a teen and we caught a robber in our house, I was afraid to sleep in my bed the rest of the time we lived in that place. If she was afraid, she never showed it.

- Mayonnaise makes a great hair conditioner for dry hair. Egg whites and honey a great face mask in a hurry.

- Map reading is over rated. We would drive from Ontario to Florida every year. It was a 24 hour drive thru most of the Eastern US. Damned if my mom could read a map. Every time we made a stop, we managed to make a detour thru pretty much every ghetto from Detroit to Jacksonville. Somehow we made our way again and got to our destination every time though.

There are countless things that have been ingrained into who I am, but I'm thankful for all the life lessons that have been, are and will continue to be.  I love you mom and I miss you!

My part time job

Living in Germany has it’s challenges, but after over 3 months, I’m starting to get into the groove of things. For instance, I don’t break out into a cold sweat when someone starts talking to me in German (though, I’ve still only had 3 lessons because my German teacher has been rediscovering her Brazilian roots for the past month). Though the length and amount of traffic lights here still (and will always) drive me insane, I’m learning to accept it. And the biggest thing? I can drive a few places without my gps!


However, one thing that consumes a lot of my time, is dealing with my garbage. I don’t mean the theoretical “emotional garbage”, I mean the actual waste that I generate. Thankfully, I live alone, so I don’t generate a terrible amount of garbage, but the time it takes me to deal with my garbage is almost worthy of a part time job.


It’s not that I’m not used to recycling. In Canada, we’ve had this concept for a while and it was pretty easy: blue bag = everything recyclable, cans, bottles, paper, etc… garbage= everything else. Straightforward right?


In the "let's make things as complicated as we possibly can" world that is Germany, dealing with my garbage involves this:


- collecting bio waste (ie compost)
- regular garbage
- glass
- plastics
- paper
Pretty normal right? What’s not normal is that all of these things have to be collected separately and brought to different places. For instance, regular garbage & bio waste goes in the common bin downstairs. Glass has to be taken to bins down the street and sorted into brown, clear and green. Plastics have to be collected and put out in a common place (at the neighbors building) twice a week. Oh, and speaking of plastics, you have to put them into city issued yellow bags. When the bags run out, you can’t just go and buy more, you have to go to a special city run place (which is of course only open during work hours) and buy more. Paper gets it’s own bin (I’m lucky, also downstairs) It’s exhausting to figure out. I feel like I’m constantly taking out garbage! And to make matters worse, I just found out Germany is introducing a 6th dynamic: an orange bin. This bin is meant for “valuable recyclables” like old frying pans or broken toys. Great, this is now going to add a dimension of mystery to my garbage collection, what’s going to be considered a valuable? All I have to say is thank god I live alone, this would turn into a full time job if you had a family!

Spargel, Spargel everywhere

When I was interviewing for the job I now have, I did some research on Nurnberg and if it was a city I thought I could live in.  Surprisingly, according to wikipedia, the stats are pretty comparable to Vancouver.  Population:  Nurnberg  503,000 Vancouver 578,000.  So I thought it wouldn't be too much like living in a "small town".  And for the most part, it's not.  There's a good selection of international restaurants (including more thai restaurants per capita in the Western world!), a few decent bars and I can pretty much get a hold of anything I need.

However, the proximity to the "country side" here is as close as the wilderness was to Vancouver.  The city is surrounded by farm fields.   My office faces endless fields of canola (or rapeseed as it's called here, but I find canola a much better word)  My drive to work each day is like driving thru a salad.  Literally.  There's the red lettuce field, the green lettuce field, the rucola field, the green onion field (the most random, cause it actually smells like green onions when you drive by) and the garlic field.  Oh, and the endless spargel fields.

Spargel is white asparagus.  A delicacy in North America, but literally everywhere here that it starts to turn your stomach.  My friends had warned me that when it was spargel season you'd know, because it'd be EVERYWHERE. And let me tell you, they weren't exagerating!  On my way to work, there's at least a dozen signs advertising "frisher spargel".  Every meal at the cafeteria has a spargel component and hell, even my local big box hardware/home reno store store sells it (they also sell wine, but I digress...)

 I've researched this obsession with spargel and all I've come up with is that Germany produces 61% of the world's white asparagus.  The reason it's white is because the fields are covered with sheets to protect it from the sun.  No sun = no photosynthesis = white rather than green (good thing I paid attention in science class! ;) )

It's impossible NOT to get sick of spargel. It's practically being shoved down your throat!

Italian Road trip

One of the things I was looking forward to about living in Europe, was all the endless possibilities to discover and travel around Europe.  Other than a few visits to my friend in Frankfurt and a trip my grandmother took me on when I was 6, I haven't seen Europe. 

This weekend being the first long weekend since I've been here, I've planned a trip to head out and explore.  It was hard deciding where to go first.  The great thing about Nuremberg is that there are endless places to go within a 4 hour drive.
In the end, I decided to go to the Dolomites and do some hiking and exploring.  This picture is what sold me:

It seems quintesential "europe": cute village, amazing mountains and rolling hills.  I'm going with a girlfriend and my dog.  We're looking forward to exploring, hiking, cappucinos on patios (and maybe getting hit on by cute Italian men) and delicious food.

One of the things I always like to check out when going to a new area, is a spa or massage.  Thai massages in Thailand, Ayurvedic massages in India, hot springs in Costa Rica and a painful massage in China are some memorable adventures.   When I looked into spa treatments in the Dolomites, I came across this:

"this" is a hay bath famous in South Tyrolia.  A hay bath is meant to be relaxing, rejuvenating and can help some skin issues.  And all I can think of is "ick."  Not only do I have a wicked grass allergy that would surely give me hives, leaking eyes and nose, but I can't imagine this being relaxing (histamine overload aside)  wouldn't it be itchy as hell?  Part of me is tempted to overload on the anti-histamines and try it out of curiosity, but I fear I'll be picking hay bits out for days!

The first major language slip up

It was bound to happen.  When you learn a new language, you're bound to somehow make a food of yourself.  I remember being in Bolivia in 2000, learning Spanish and was finally feeling comfortable enough to order a meal.  I was so impressed with myself that I made it almost all the way thru.  And then, when the waiter asked me something I didn't know, I just smiled and nodded. I figured that would get me thru.  It turned out he was asking me which part of the chicken I wanted.  oh. The breast.  But I had no clue how to say breast, so, in a panic, I pointed at mine.  Well, it made Mr. Bolivian waiter's day.  I've never seen a waiter laugh so hard in my life.  Lesson learned, I'll never forget "pechuga" as long as I live.  But I thought that was all behind me.  I. was. wrong.

After over two months in Germany, I've picked up some German (my daily work is in English, though my collegues are all German and speak it regularly) but I still dread talking on the phone and avoid it at all costs.  At least in person, if anything goes wrong, there's always charades to resort to. But the time had come for me to buck up and talk on the phone in German.  I called the doctor's office to see if I could change my appointment to an earlier time.  Turns out, I hadn't properly thought thru what I was going to say.  What I meant to say was "I would like to come earlier".  I managed "I would like to come" and stopped.  I realized, I had NO clue what the world for earlier was!!!!! ooops. 

I was really, really hoping that the sentence didn't have the same connotation in German than in English, but when I told my collegue what I said, she killed herself laughing.  That could explain why the receptionist put me immediately on hold for a few minutes....

Frank the Pilates teacher

Because the past few months have been so hectic, I haven’t had time to keep up my regular exercise regime. Now that I’m finally settled in, I’m tackling getting back into shape.
Since gyms generally overwhelm me, I tried looking around for pilates classes. Last night was my first class.

I was a little overwhelmed going to a pilates class since I haven’t been in about 3 months and a lot overwhelmed that the class was going to be in German. At the beginning of class, I awkwardly told the teacher (in my Geman which sounds like a 2 year olds) that I’m new and only speak a bit of German. He asked me where I was from and said “Canada”. And that’s when the fun started.

For the most part, following along in Geman wasn’t to bad. After all, I could look at the instructor or the other students. At one point, I thought he said something like “pretend you’re eating a lemon”. I just figured maybe it was a German figure of speech or I misheard. I was wrong. He came around and demonstrated what “pretend you’re eating a lemon” was and so I tried hard not to burst out laughing.

While we were doing some sort of dry humping the ground move, he decided to get the class engaged and start a discussion on Canadian singers and having the class blurt out all famous singers from Canada. While dry humping the mat. Yeah.

Then, while we were doing some thighmaster move, he decided to starting singing, in full, Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on”. I told him that though Celine Dion is Canadian, us Canadians are more than happy to give her away.

Oddly enough, I did appreciate his odd sense of humor and his “Pilates Polizei” cracks. It made the fact I hadn’t worked out in 3 months seem less painful.

There are 10 more classes to go. I hope as hell that Frank the pilates teacher Canadian trivia doesn’t go for 10 more classes….

German Efficiency and other myths

If you’re like me, you’ve probably heard mention about how (generally) Germany is a modern and efficient country. My German grandmother (god rest her soul) used to go on and on (& on) about how things were so much better and made more sense in Germany than in Canada. Well, now that I’ve had a few months experience I share my thoughts on this.

For the most part, I’m convinced that this “German Efficiency” is a myth. I realize this is a sweeping generalization and depends on personal experience, but I’m convinced that Germany has hired a fantastic PR firm to send this message out to the rest of the world. While some things make sense, some things are utterly ridiculous.

My main beef with German efficiency is the traffic lights. I’m truly amazed at how many traffic lights there are and the length of them. Because I’m ridiculous, I’ve taken to timing them and tracking the distance between each traffic light (don’t judge- it gives me something to do other than going postal while waiting in traffic) The average length of a traffic light is a minute and about twenty seconds. The average distance between each traffic light is about 500m. Probably just a little bit longer and a little bit closer together than most major city. No big deal. The frustration starts to happen when you realize that the lights are not timed. In most places in North America, you can usually count on a “green wave” that is, if you drive the speed limit you can “usually” catch most of the lights green. In Nurnberg, it appears to be the opposite. You wait your almost minute and a half, drive 500 meters only to get the next red light. And on. And on. It’s even more ridiculous because the amount of stop lights is baffling. When there is no intersection: stop light. When there’s a pedestrian crossing; stop light (no, NOT a pedestrian controlled light) The street I drive on to get to the autobahn (and drive 200 km/h!) has about a dozen traffic lights.  So I spend a lot of time waiting in traffic.  Well, there's not really traffic, I guess the lights are that long to wait for enough of us to gather to wait for a traffic light)

Another thing that amazes me, is how traditional and religious (again, GENERALLY) the state where I live (Bavaria) is. For instance, though you can visit a (legal) prostitute and gamble on Sundays, you can’t go grocery shopping. Why? Because Sunday is the state designated “family” day and it’s against the law for grocery stores etc… to open.  Until 2003, shops were legally mandated to be open only until 6pm weekdays and until 1pm on Saturday.  Though my work is an exception, women delaying marriage and family for careers still seems to be a rarity.

Speaking of shopping, there are a lot of cool shops on my street. Little unique handcraft shops that make everything from baby clothes, to custom printed bags to purses and dog treats. I would love to check them out. However, so far, that’s proved impossible. Though these shops are located on a really quiet residential street, most of the shops open only until 5. And not on weekends. One of the stores is even only open on Mondays. And only between 3-6pm. They even have a sign up that they’ll be on holidays for the entire month of may! (I guess they need a holiday since their work hours are so stressful?!?) So the times when most residents could ACTUALLY go and support our local shops, it’s nearly impossible. I. just. Don’t. understand.

Another example I’ve found is doctors. The doctor I’ve found so far is male. However, as soon as I made any mention of any female issues, he interrupted me and told me I had to go to a “female” doctor that specialized in “female” needs.

Don’t get me wrong. My experience so far hasn’t been terrible. It’s just been “interesting”. Sure meetings start on time and you’re frowned upon if you’re late, but jay walk across a street and you’ll all but get told off (another typical German trait- passive aggression. No one will likely ever say anything to you, but you’ll get eye rolls and dirty looks)

Life in Germany is very much about “following the rules” and question nothing. If there’s a rule on something, it must be followed. There doesn’t seem to be a rule on queuing though. Go to any store and try to form a line to wait and pay and people look at you like you’re crazy. It seems to be a free for all, whoever can get to the front wins sort of motto when it comes to lining up.

So far, I’ve managed with the rules but it hasn’t been easy. My personality naturally wants to question everything and follow only the rules that suit me. I suspect this will land me in trouble someday. In the meantime, I just smile when I get dirty looks when I jay walk!

It's all fun and games until the naked German passes out on you!

Back in April of 2004, I visited my good friend J in Frankfurt. This was way before I had any notions that I’d be living in Germany and as it turns out, we now live 150km apart down the A3 (one of the many speed free autobahns… Driving 160 km/h plus *legally* on a highway will never get old…)


During my visit, J was a great hostess and we were able to tour around the Rhine and head to Paris for a few days. One of the places she took me to was a German sauna. Honestly, I can’t remember how it was described to me anymore, but even if I did, nothing would have prepared me for what I was about to experience…

A german sauna, therme, bath is usually attached to a large swimming facility. In my limited experience with them, there seems to be a “family” side and an “adult only” option. The family side usually has waterslides, hot tubs, swimming pools and would be like most similar facilities in North America. The adult side however, is another story.

The adult side usually has steam baths, saunas, whirlpools and the like, but the big difference is, you’re naked. I’m far from conservative and have been to Vancouver’s nude beach usually once per summer. But the thought of casually hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend- naked, seemed a bit disconcerting. But when in rome…
So off we went, disrobed and I tried really hard not to look anywhere below eye level when maintaining conversation. The sauna was cool and there were dozens of hot tubs, steam baths and sauna buildings. Each sauna was in a free standing building outside and would have certain let’s call them “aromatherapy events” at certain times. On a board outside the sauna, a time and scent were advertised. We went into pine I believe. The details are fuzzy because what happened afterwards is what stays in my memory.

A “saunamaster” comes in at the set time and runs the show. Literally. A little tanned man walks into the sauna wearing only a towel. He proceeds to mention what will be happening in the next 20 minutes. In German of course, so I have no clue about any of it. After getting everyone “hyped” up if you will, he starts. He sprays some oil onto the rocks and then some water. He then proceeds to whip off his towel and whirl it above his head to circulate the hot, scented air. With me, there are about 40 hot, sweaty (and largely overweight) Germans. Since I’m a wimp for any extreme temperatures, about ¾ of the way thru, I have to excuse myself because I feel like I’m gonna pass out. My friends tell me that I would be breaking the “rule” of the sauna and I can’t do that. I try to sweat it out (literally) for a few more minutes but I just can’t. I leave the sauna and will deal with the repercussions of 40 hot, sweaty, naked, overweight Germans later.
I sit on the bench outside, wait for my friends and try to cool off. As I left the sauna, an older man followed me out. He sat on the bench beside me. He was maybe mid 50’s, skinny oh and naked. A few minutes into my cool off, skinny naked man faints on me. Right. On. My. Lap. There I sit. Outside the sauna. In Germany. Not knowing. A word. Of German. With a passed out naked man on my lap. Great. Just Great. Now What? Imagine the look of surprise on my friends faces when they saw me sitting there. Thankfully, sauna master guy was behind them and came and rescued me. Thankfully, a passed out man is pretty self explanatory and I didn’t have to say anything. And my friends and I? Well, the jokes are endless, but we now say “It’s all fun and games until the naked German man passes out on you”.

The Marriage Trainer

There are some things that some people inexplicable seem to have over other people.  Take for instance, one of my childhood friends, struck by lightning twice already or the girl I know whose boyfriend has worn a good amount of money on the lottery three times.  Over the years, I've discovered my "thing".  Well, 2 things actually.  The first, a friend of mine nicknamed, parkma.  I can pretty much go anywhere and find a parking spot right where I need to.  Usually, with time still left on the meter.  It happens so often, that if I actually have to drive around the block to find a spot, I'm annoyed.  The second, is equally random, but with just as much of a success rate.

The amount of people that I've dated for 3 months or longer since I was 18 I can count on one hand.  Well, ok.  Maybe 2.  There have been many who by my choice or theirs, never made it to 3 months.  But 3 months seem to be the tipping point.  You see, the majority of people who I've dated for 3 months or more have gone on to marry the next girl they dated after me.  About 4 ex boyfriends ago, I noticed this trend.  About 3 ex boyfriends ago, it stopped being funny.  About 3 ex boyfriends ago, it became so ironic and obvious that one of my best friends suggested I turn it into a business (a tempting thought, but like some of my other great ideas, I never followed through)

It started with P, my high school sweetheart and until recently, the best guy I ever dated.  The next girl he dated after me?  married. 2 kids.  After that, there was a several year "I'm in my 20's hiatus".  Then there was B.  Actually, I don't know if B ever married the girl after me, but I do know that his basement suite got ruined by a mudslide and tree (oops!)  Then came W.  Marriage. And last I heard, a kid.  The kicker was B.  He lived in the states and was married twice before. SWORE up and down that there would NEVER be a third.  A few months after our year together, came number 3.  And baby.  There's a couple of more examples too and most recently, C.  A few months with me, less than 6 months with a new girl and BAM. marriage.

It's not like I have found guys out there who are craving marriage.  I'd say most of them were neutral to opposed to marriage.  And don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything special about my company that turns them onto marriage.  It just seems to be fluke.  That's happened more often than not!

Flash forward 2 years

2 years ago today, my marriage officially ended. Well, I mean by ended the man I married walked out. At the time, I had no clue how I was going to survive. Though I had managed to overcome a lot of challenges before, I thought everything was behind me and it was all smooth sailing. It was hands down one of the most devastating experiences of my life.

2 years later, I honestly forget I was married. I forget the anxiety I experienced in those first few weeks and months. The shame I felt for having a failed marriage and not "knowing better"
I've stopped worrying that more secrets will rear their ugly head and I can fully claim I'm over it and have been for at least a year.

What's amazing to me now though, is how much has changed in those 2 years. What I once thought of the lowest point in my life was hands down the best thing to have happened to me! Not only am I free of the narcissist jerk that was once consumed my life with his highs, lows and addictions but my life has truly taken off.

I look back on the past 2 years with awe. I've been to Thailand, chile, Argentina, china, Vietnam, Germany and backpacking thru the Yukon which alone has been a whirlwind. I've learned a lot about myself and relationships and have even found a healthy dose of self confidence.

As I sit here and type this from nurnberg, I'm thankful I was able to take advantage of the opportunity to live and work abroad, because had I still been married, I probably wouldn't have been able to.

It had taken me a lot to get down that aisle and when I did, I thought I knew what fate had in store for me. I was wrong, I couldn't have been more wrong. But I'm glad and thrilled to admit I was wrong.

In Canada, we just eat pancakes...

I have to be honest and say that I didn't know that Germany was still a (mostly) religious country.  Of course, I heard a lot of church bells during my visit but never really clued in to just how much religious holidays were celebrated.

As it happens, Ash Wednesday (or the start of lent) is this coming Wednesday.  If I remember correctly (never did pay much attention in catholic school....) this means you are supposed to give something up for six weeks until Easter.  But like all good catholics, before you give something up, you go out with a bang.  Hence, Carnival.  Or mardi gras etc...

While Louisiana has mardi gras with it's beads, alcohol and partying, Brazil has parades of samba dancers in crazy costumes and partying in the streets.  Well, Germany has it's own version.  And arguably, a little eccentric.

Though, it's not as common in Nuremberg, I met a friend for lunch today from Dusseldorf who tells me that the celebrations kick off with 'old women's day' or Altbweiben Fasching.  This was started about 150 years ago when the women got tired of the men having all the fun celebrating Karneval that they revolted.  The traditional tradition is to dress up like a witch carrying scissors and cut off the tie (or kiss) any man that you see.  The modern tradition is to dress up, start drinking shnapps at 9am, carry scissors and cut off the tie (or kiss) any man that you see.  In Dusseldorf and Koln it's so common that even supermarket cashiers take part.  This sounds like something I'm going to have to enroll my sister in law in and partake next year! ;)

The next big celebration, is rosenmontag (or rose monday)  That day, there are huge parades with bands, floatds, candy, clowns and donuts.  I don't really get the last part, but I can attest to it.  I've seen more than one clown selling donuts.  I'm not sure what the donut and clown co-relation is and I haven't been able to find out.

All of this craziness (and donuts) ends on Ash Wednesday, when Germans go back to being their serious selves and are meant to give up something for lent for 6 weeks.  And to think? In Canada, we just eat pancakes....

Germany, a month in

Hard to believe, it’s coming up on my one month anniversary of being in Germany! As I reflect on my first month of getting used to life in a new country, some things are easier to get used to than others…


The good-


The cost of living


Coming from Vancouver, where rents are some of the highest in North America, I’m amazed at how reasonable rents are! Definitely depends on area, income etc… but for the most parts, rents are very reasonable. The same goes for groceries, car insurance, furniture and well, pretty much everything. Except electronics.


My job-


So far, I’m really enjoying my job. Or well, learning about my job. Haven’t actually started actual projects yet, but soon. I love that though I work for a massive company, they’re super open minded, eager to hear my opinion and are open to change. It’s really refreshing and the opportunities and benefits are great. After my 7th month, employees are eligible for commuting expenses. Essentially, you get paid to get to work.


Driving on the autobahn-


For a speed freak like me, driving without speed limits is heavenly. Not ALL autobahns are speed free, but happily, one of them on my way to work is. I love flooring the Kia rental.


The Ex-pat support system


One of the things I was most concerned about, was having to rebuild a social circle and make new friends. Every week, I’m in awe of the people that genuinely offer their help and friendship and will go out of their way to help you. Moving here alone wasn’t easy, but already knowing I know a couple of people I can count on is priceless.


The price you see is the price you pay-


I love that whatever I shop for, whether it’s groceries, a new stereo, furniture or a cell phone contract, the price you see is the price you pay. No hidden fees are taxes. I could get used to this.


Dog friendly-


Other than grocery stores and some restaurants, I can pretty much take Lucy any where. We’ve been shopping to Ikea, on the underground, department stores, you name it.


The bad-


German radio-


I thought Vancouver radio stations were bad for repeating music. I was wrong. I’m convinced that German radio rotates about 20 songs. One of them randomly includes Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's version of “Somewhere over the rainbow” It’s not unusual to hear the song 10 times a day (on various radio stations) The good thing, is they don’t seem to play Justin Beiber, however, that’s negated by their apparent infatuation with all songs Nickelback.

Sundays-


I’m not sure I can ever get used to the fact that NOTHING is open on Sundays. Bavaria, the state that I live in, is apparently very religious. Therefore Sundays are considered “family days”. Grocery stores, shops, pharmacies, you name it. It’s all closed on Sundays. You can’t even wash your car on Sundays. Strongly going against the “everything’s closed so you can go to church and hang out with your family” point, casinos are open. And there are more casinos in Nurnberg than there are Starbucks in Vancouver!


Traffic lights.


There are an amazing amount of traffic lights in Nurnberg. Not only are they amazing in sheer volume (sometimes there’s a light where there’s no intersection) but they’re amazing in length. The other day I timed one of them (as I’d been waiting so long) and the red was almost a minute and a half. The green 15 seconds. It truly defies logic.

The language-


Though I feel like I have a slight upper hand in the fact that my grandmother was German and am at least familiar with the sound of the language. But jesus, every day that I learn a new word and have hope that I’ll one day be able to learn it, someone will say something or I’ll read something and I’m convinced there’s no hope I’ll ever learn it!

The strange…

When you rent a place, you almost always have to bring your own kitchen. Most places come stripped bare and the tenant has to provide things like light fixtures, bathroom cupboards, closets and even the kitchen sink.


As many modern furniture places as there are (and there are zillions) decent shower curtain hooks don’t exist. There are only clear plastic ones or white plastic ones.
I’m sure there will be a ton of new adventures and experiences in the coming months. I have to say, so far so good. But man, is life ever exhausting!

An almond infection

Each year, around my birthday, I get some sort of throat issue. It’s so predictable, that if I was stuck on an island, without any calendar, I’d know that it was February. I remember so many birthdays were I had a fever, was so sick I couldn’t eat dinner at my favourite restaurant or that time a few years ago when I got laryngitis as a birthday gift.
This year, seems to be no different. It started out as most sore throats do and last night, when eating solid foods wasn’t an option anymore (since the pain brought tears to my eyes) I decided it was time for medical intervention. And so began my first German doctor’s visit.

The receptionist and doctor spoke perfect English so I managed to get everything across. He quickly looked down my throat and concurred that it was a really bad case of tonsilits. However, I also learned that the German word for tonsils is “madeln” which happens to be the same word for almonds. In other words, my almonds are infected.

A few bouts of birthday tonsillitis ago, I developed an allergy to penicillin. I broke out in a rash all over my body and thought I had chicken pox. That was sexy. I even had to cancel a date with a cute guy because of my “rash”. So I made sure to mention my allergy to Dr. German. I’m “pretty sure” he was joking when he said “Well, we try this, this should be ok with your pencillin allergy”. He was, after all, laughing. So, here’s hoping I don’t

Week 1 of German life

So this week was my 'real' week of German life.  Real as in starting work (or, rather attending meetings and training as I'm still waiting for my work permit), grocery shopping, banking etc...

Considering, things went not too badly. I survived my first drive on the autobahn (and enjoyed taking the rental 150km/h on the speed free autobahn) and first week on the job.  I have the rental car for only a month so one of the next things on the agenda is buying a car.  One of my least favorite tasks at the best of times.  Now I have to do it in German!

The biggest challenge though is going to be WHEN to buy a car.  Why?  Well, I'm not really sure when you're meant to get anything done in this country.  Normal work hours are 8 or 9 ish to 5 or 6 ish.  Most shops (including car dealerships) close at 6 on weekdays and are only open til noon on saturdays.  And forget Sundays.  The entire country (including grocery stores) is shut on Sundays.  So, that leaves me 3 hours a week to shop for cars. 

For the most part, I've been getting along ok.  Though I know only about 10 words of German, people are helpful and even if they don't speak English, we manage somehow with broken english, German and charades.  I took that for granted today when I went shopping.  I started getting stuff for my new apartment and started stocking up on cleaning supplies.  None of the brands were familiar to me and my 10 words of German doesn't extend to cleaning products.  So I stood in the aisle and stared.  In the end, I just picked out one of everything in the nicest packaging.  I have no idea what I ended up with.  Though I suspect the blue liquid is windex.  Everything else, will be a surprise!