One of the things I've been making myself try to do since moving here is to force myself to go out and socialize. By anyone's definition, I'm outgoing but oxymoronically, but I'm really, really awkward and going out and talking to new people. If there's already a connection thru friends of friends, it's easier for me cause we have a starting point. But to blankly go out and socialize? I'd rather eat eggplant.
But in order to go out and expand my social circle, I force myself out to various English Stammtisch's (where fellow ex pats get together and mingle) I've been so overcome approaching an entire group of people that I don't know that I've actually gone to them and then walked away out of fear! It brings me back to being the new girl in school constantly as a kid and trying to make new friends. I guess there's some things we'll never get over!
One of the things I'm most uncomfortable with is small talk. The whole "where are you from? what do you do? nice weather we're having" I'd rather people share their stories, debates, whatever. So I should have known better when I was recently complaining to friends that one of the things I disliked about the stammtisch's and meeting new people was the small talk. I should have known Murphy was going to bite me in the ass. He's bitten me in the ass a number of times, like when I told an ex boyfriend that if India was the last place on earth, I didn't want to go. Well, 5 trips for me to India later, ex boyfriend hasn't gone!
It started out innocently enough. My friend A (who is hyper social and making me work thru this fear of meeting strangers) approached a table and started talking to them. Since she broke the ice, I felt more comfortable joining in. Then I got to talking to an Israeli fellow, and if he knew what small talk was, he wasn't letting on. I had mentioned I'd gone to Israel before so thought that would be a good common ground. Well, it turns out he was a missile designer and for two hours he gave me his take about peace (or lack thereof) in the middle east. Don't get me wrong, certainly I'm not opposed to political conversations, but this was getting heavy. Ever try to discuss the Israel/Palestine crisis with an Israeli missile designer?
Why is it that small talk, like dating, there doesn't seem to be any middle ground?
1 comment:
"I've been so overcome approaching an entire group of people that I don't know that I've actually gone to them and then walked away out of fear!"
I've done this! The first Stammtisch I went to (which I bet is the same one you're talking about), felt something like walking into a wedding reception at a trendy lounge--immensely crowded and yet, every little group appeared to know each other exclusively. Needless to say, my boyfriend and I were totally intimidated. The next time around (ALONE), went a little better as I showed up super early, but there still came that point where more and more people filed in and my initial small talk partners and I ran out of small talk. I guess it works better when you have a wingman!
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