The Glamourous Life

Part of my job involves traveling to Asia.  Usually once or twice a year.  International business travel sounds a lot more glamourous than it is.  Intially, the thrill of seeing a new city and eating Haagen Dazs while flying business class makes up for the inconvenience of jet lag, cancelled flights and security scrutiny (and none compares to a getting into Israel security scrutiny)

But after years of several time a year business travel, the ritual gets a little draining.  Luckily, due to the sheer number of trips I've made, I've learned how to be time efficient.  Most of the trips involve a large amount of time in meeting rooms getting a whole team of people to understand and agree on what you're trying to get across.  Initially, trying to head up a meeting like this overwhelmed me, but I quickly learned that unless I was going to stay there until midnight each night, I was going to have to take the bull by the horns and move things along.  Getting a large group of peole to agree on something is challenging.  Doing it with only a fifth of the people in the room understanding the language you're speaking is like herding cats.  A typical meeting usually goes like this:

- I explain something
- someone translates what I say
- the team discusses.  Usually with some arguments, gestures and finally (and hopefully) agreement.

This last step can take anywhere from a minute to an hour.   In exceptional situations we can get hung up over the most minute task for a full day.

When you have 8 people trying to discuss something, it's sure to go off track.  Or so I assume.  If it's like any meeting I've been in, people start to go off track.  So, after years of being polite but attentive, I've picked up on some cues.

For instance, if someone in the group doesn't get what's being explained, a loud "aaaaaayyyyyy ya" frustratingly is expressed by one of the others- that's my cue to elaborate further.

When someone does get what I'm explaining, an enthusiastic "hai-la" is expressed.  "hai-la" is usually expressed at rocket speed like "hai-la, hai-la, hai-la"  That means I've gotten my point across.  Usually I wait for everyone to "hai-la, hai-la, hai-la" at once.  This signals group agreement and my cue to move onto the next point before we accidentally slide off into kids soccer games and vacation plans.

I've also slowly learned not to embrass myself on business trips.  Anyone that knows me knows that on a good day, I lack grace and elegance.  Add this to jet la and exhaustion and it's not pretty.  I've gone into uncontrolled laughing fits when presented with a chicken head used as a garnish (proof it was fresh and indeed chicken)  I found the chicken's expression of shock and surprise together with being deep fried too much to bear and couldn't contain it.   ahhhhh the food!

Also hard to hold back can be meeting new people for the first time.  Most Chinese people pick a Western name and as I understand it, pick it themselves in adulthood.  It's one thing if your parents named you Water, but if you chose it yourself....  Over the years, I've met Cinderella (sans glass slipper) Tiger, Dorian (a woman), Enrico (also a woman) Dragon, Beer, Bear, the fruit basket that is Apple, Peach and Cherry, a couple of queens and Creamy.  Not one, but two Creamy's.  You try and keep a straight face when someone introduces themselves as creamy.  Not. Easy.

I've survived China thru a few flu epidemics when people in face masks inexplicably walked up to me and pointed a gun like object at my forehead without warning to take my temperature and fill it on my customs form.  I had one customs agent refuse my form because I filled it in a shade of ink he didn't like.  I had yet another correct all my messy hand writing and properly dotted my "i"'s and crossed my "t"'s.

And that's just china.  There are the endless visits to India and an especially memorable flight thru a thunderstorm in a propeller plane (the first time I prayed as an adult!)  The time in Vietnam where the customs official wouldn't let me and a co-worker pass until we dished out the US$25 visa fee.   Payable only in cash, and only in US dollars.  I think I might still be sitting there if my co-worker hadn't remembered she accidentally stashed away some money (which happened to be US$53!!!)

5 years ago, I never thought I would get bored of going to the airport, yet thousands of miles later, I find the travel tedious.  Before, I considered a perk of the job.  Now, it's just part of the job.  I'll still continue to relish the experiences and there's nothing I love better than a good story (which all of my trips have provided me with) but a glamourous life, it's not!