Saturday, January 23, 2010
Ladies, Man up!
In this 21st century, it seems that we aren't shy to draw on the knowledge of "experts". Whether it's a life coach, relationship counsellor, career counsellor or spending $300 on a session with a dog Psychologist (like I did a few weeks ago, but that's another story) And why not, if you can pay someone to get you that extra distance in your career or get you past your commitment issues (or get your dog to stop being a jerk), I'm all for it. Hell, I pay an eyebrow "expert" $20 every 3 weeks to meticulously maintain my eyebrows for a reason!
However, I'm torn on the idea of a dating expert. That's right, for $650 (to start...) you can pay this guy to coach you through dating. He doesn't exactly say what training he has to make him a dating expert, but does coach both men and women. He promises that his approach is "unique, highly personalized, scientifically-based, hands-on, and the most effective way to take charge of your social life."
I find it curious that the notion of a dating coach even exists. You see, to me dating isn't exactly a science (although some of the people I've dated in the past have been about as boring as reading a science textbook...) Furthermore, I've found that the more effort you put into dating (unlike a career, education, training your dog), the less likely you are to succeed.
Mick gives insightful advice such as :
The point of first dates is:
•To evoke a connection and positive emotions. You want to see how you feel around that guy. That’s it.
•For you to be asked out on another date. If you’re like most women who want a guy who that takes charge and leads, that’s the only way you’ll know if he’s that kind of guy.
•Allow the conversation to naturally unfold. Focus on him, let him do the talking. The more he talks, the more information you’ll have to determine if he fits your bill. And of course, you should contribute to the conversation. But again, focus on him.
Before even going on the first date, he suggests a pre-date "warm up". Once there, he suggests things that you shoudn't take about and avoiding “interview style questioning” as it can make the conversation one sided and imply that you are "superior" to your date.
His theory, is that we are our own matchmaker and with some of his skills in place, we can take on the dating world and build a happy, healthy relationship. I do agree that if you're happy with yourself, generally pleased with life and have some self confidence (I'm still learning that last one), you'll naturally attract people of a similar mindframe.
Would I even dream of spending $650 to build up some self confidence to talk to a guy on the street, go on a date with him and make sure I'm fully focusing on only him while asking insightful questions (without seeming like I'm interviewing him)???? Nah, I think I'd rather be myself, act natural and if things go wrong, laugh about it with my friends over wine. Call me old fashioned...